What A Birch!

I can pull a story out of my arse should the need arise, which, with Ana, it often does. She has radar for things that are not appropriate for her to know about at the age of 5 1/2. Scott tested my abilities the other day, however, when he almost got run off the road by a very angry woman in a little white car.

Scott signaled, he waved, he slowed, he sped up, but she just kept squeezing us off of the road. The woman then rolled down her window, so he rolled down his and asked her to let him over. She responded with a string of expletives, while continuing to squeeze our van off of the road.

Scott is not one to yell random profanities out the window, especially not with his kids in the car, but he was fueled by the adrenaline of almost being forced into a crash and he was indignant at being called every bad name under the sun so he yelled back, "You're running me off the road, you b*tch!"

Of course, from the back, comes, "Mommy, what's a birch?"

Umm... a birch is a kind of tree, Honey.

Why did Daddy call that lady a birch?

Umm... well... she just came from Home Depot and she bought a birch tree to plant in her yard and she has it in the front of the car with her. It's blocking her view, so it made her almost run us off the road and so Daddy is calling her a birch so that she realizes her birch tree is making her drive badly.

Oh. Okay. Can you put on Britney Spirits music?

Whew. Crisis averted.

For The Love Of The Game

Ana, did you like playing soccer this season?

No. It was a-kward.

Oh, so you don't want to do it again?

Well, will there be cookies and another trophy?

Yes.

Okay, then. I will.

Holy Margarita, Batman!

Well, it's official. I am a lightweight.

9 months of abstaining
+ 7 months of nursing exclusively, AKA only having 1 drink at a time
= You have napkin stuck to your face, What? I don't feel anything.

Mother's Day brunch tempted me with a tasty mango margarita. I answered the call. I think there was 9.9 parts alcohol to 0.1 parts mango in that thing. It was delicious.

Scott, too, stepped up to the plate taking on a solid 2 margaritas on a sleep deprived brain.

Below are the results.

Ana was drinking milk. Don't know what her excuse was...

 

Turn of Phrase

Ana has been overhearing various phrases lately and is trying them out for herself, making her sound way older than her 5 1/2 years.

Mom. That house is HUGE! I could get used to that!!!

Ana, you're not eating your peas. Do you not like them?
You can say that again.

The latest was in response to a cautionary tale I told her about a boy at her school. Apparently the kiddo was acting out and dropped his drawers in the hallway. I was talking about it in reference to the fact that I'd like Ana to be a little more aware of how she plays with her skirts - sometimes, out of inattentiveness, they get hiked up a little too high for my taste. Looks like my lesson didn't work based on Ana's reply:

Well, that's one I would have liked to have seen.

Sheesh.

Traveling Companions Not Wanted

Ana just returned from an almost week long Disney cruise with her Nana and Poppa Bear. Nana and PB were telling us about how much fun the whole experience was and it got us thinking down the road.

Ana, since the Disney cruise was so much fun, what do you think about you, Daddy, me, Reed, and Sofia all going on a Disney cruise sometime?

Ummm... no thank you. You won't be like Nana and Poppa Bear. You'll just say no, no, no! No more toys! No more dessert! Brush your teeth!

I have to admit, she did an uncanny impression...