Don't Ask

I have learned not to jump right in there with an assumption when Ana says something. Most of the time, if I tread lightly it actually turns out to be not as bad as I first thought.

Case in point:

Mommy, look! The dolls are laying on top of each other in the bed!

(internal dialogue: Oh crap! What did she see? Where? Think. Think.) external dialogue: Why are they doing that, Honey?

They're just being silly!

Oh! Ha! Ha! Silly...

Duties

My child has a mind like her father's. Okay, like mine too. Reading Ana a book about The Little Mermaid Ariel and Ariel's father, King Triton:

And King Triton said, "Ariel! I must go back to the castle. I must see to my duties."

Hee hee. He said duties. Duties. Hee hee hee.

She'll Better Deal 'Ya

Ana is a better deal-er. Today we worked on making a Valentine's Day card. She said that she wanted to make it for her Ging - so sweet - so we worked away.

We finished it up and I praised her on the final product. I guess I was gushy enough about it because she then said she wanted to give it to me instead of Ging. (Sorry Ging)

Enter Daddy, home from work. Ana is a serious Daddy's girl at the moment. Daddy! I made a Valentine's card for you! I love you, Daddy!

Ana, I thought the card was for me?

Nope! It's for my Daddy. I love my Daddy!

Happy Valentine's Day to me... and Ging...

Troublemaker

Our idyllic start to school has come to a screeching halt. Apparently one of the little girls in Ana's class has decided to experiment with face making and attitude throwing. Other kiddos might be able to shrug that off, but it is throwing Ana for a loop and she has been talking about it and talking about it - both on school days and non-school days. You can tell she is wrestling with big questions such as - Is she a mean girl because she makes mean faces? - Do I have to be her friend even if she is mean to me? - that kind of thing.

Ana brought it up again yesterday morning while we were lying in bed. Mommy, L. was making mean faces at me again! Why? I don't want to be her friend if she is not kind to me. She's not going to have any friends if she can't be a kind person. Why is she doing that?

(Of course Ana forgets that she is often a mean facemaker at Mommy and lately has thought that L.'s attitude seems fun, so she has been trying it on at home - crossing her arms, sticking her nose in the air, and harrumphing, but no matter...)

Well, I told her, we don't know why she's doing it. Maybe she doesn't know how it makes other people feel, or maybe she is feeling nervous or scared.

No sympathy from my child - Well! She needs to learn her lessons! She needs to take a cheel pill. She needs to do a deep breath. Relax! Cheel her body out! Settle down, girl!

Uh huh. Wonder where she got that from...

Confusion

Driving back from Ana's friend Nicholas' house:

Ana, did you have a good time?

Yes, but Nicholas had a different house.

No, that's the same one that he had before. He's always lived there with his Mommy and Daddy.

Yes, but not with my Mommy and Daddy.

No, that's right. He is his Mommy and Daddy's son and you are my daughter. He was meant for his family and you were meant for our family. And his Mommy is the perfect Mommy for him and I was born to be your Mommy. God had a plan for our family and he had a plan for Nicholas' family.

Ahhhh... that's nice. Are you my son?

Message apparently not received...

Cinderella Did Not Eat My Daughter

I heard about a new book by the author of Waiting for Daisy, called Cinderella Ate My Daughter. Of course it caught my attention because of "Cinderella" and "Daughter" and initially I thought - Hey, now that's a book I should read! - but then I realized that it really wouldn't fit my life. Cinderella didn't eat my daughter, Cinderella threw up on my daughter.

Cinderella upchucked a tiara, bracelet, gown, plastic shoes, pretend makeup, fake earrings, and a big plastic diamond ring all over Ana. Clean up on Aisle 3... PLEASE!

Freaking Pack Rat!!!

I swear our daughter will be featured on one of those hoarder shows someday. No, that's probably not fair. She doesn't amass huge quantities of things, although if you lined all of her plastic dolls up end to end you might be inclined to disagree with me. Her particular form of hoarding is to find a particularly attractive (to her) container and then load it up with all of the crapola that she can find.

The things she loads her buckets with are her treasures and woe to the person that tries to cull through them to throw away errant boa feathers, dried out chapstick, and tissues. Right now we have the following active vessels, and I swear these are the actual names that we refer to them by. Ana would back me up on this because if you lined them up and said one of their names, she would make a beeline straight for the container I was talking about. I'm realizing that I typed - said one of "their" names, instead of one of "its" names. I think that more than one person in our family has a problem... But, back to the names:

1. Bucket of Junk. This is the king of all containers. It is a plastic hatbox sized container with a helpful pink string, allowing it to be toted around like an oversized...bucket of junk. It has all of the makeup that she was given for Christmas, 4 tiaras, 4 plastic microphones, 5 boas, a wallet, 6 pretend rings, 4 bracelets, a Mr. Potato Head candy cane topper from Christmas, and two pens.

2. Barbie Bag. This is a Barbie case, that was once a Barbie makeup purse, given to Ana for Christmas. It has been repurposed as a container for many small plastic people. Right now it holds about 20.

3. The Shoe Goblet. A silver goblet that was given to Scott's dad as a sales award. No longer used as an award, it holds several of Ana's plastic dress up shoes. 'Cause that's where every girl keeps her shoes... in a goblet.

4. The newest addition - and my favorite - Scooter Bag. Ana TWO DAYS AGO got a little Tinkerbell scooter that comes with a handlebar pouch. She wasted no time in turning it into her latest holder of all things junky. It apparently also needed a contact case, because that's where I found mine this morning.

Bucket of Junk, Barbie Bag, Shoe Goblet, and Scooter Bag do not merely torment us with their trashiness, nay, they are treasured friends that must come with us everywhere. We cannot leave for school unless Bucket of Junk is on the seat next to us. God forbid Shoe Goblet is not next to our nightstand when we go to sleep at night.

We are considering a ban on containers of all types in our house because we have our hands full with these four. I shudder to think how much longer it would take us to get out of the house if we had to add one more to the mix!

Not Turning This Homework In!

As part of her speech homework, Ana was given a sheet of paper that had a picnic basket and a picnic blanket already drawn on it. Her job was to think of things that a person might bring on a picnic, then draw them in herself, or have my help to draw them.

All went well as we drew sandwiches, oranges, a bag of chips, plates, forks, and napkins. Then she said she wanted to bring Baby Jesus to the picnic. A little out there, but sweet, so I said okay. I drew a circle for his head, gave him a body and a diaper, and then asked her to draw on the face. Which she did.

She then proceeded to give him a big orange "penis". I know the guy is super human, but this is stretching it, even for someone with Heavenly backing. I suppose Joseph would be proud...

Needless to say, we are not turning this paper back in!

Pulling Out All The Stops

If you've read this blog much time at all, then you know that Ana often asks me to be God. She let's me know that she wants me to be someone different by asking her question like this, "God, why did that squirrel get deaded in the street?" It is my signal that I need to deepen my voice and think of something thoughtful to say. I'm not sure why she does this. Maybe she is wise enough to have no faith in what I say, or it could be that she likes my Morgan Freeman impersonation...

Last night topped all of my previous theatrical performances, however. Ana was wrestling with an issue that had come up on the playground. She was afraid that she had done a bad job because she wasn't paying attention to what some big girls were saying and they were getting annoyed with her. She takes things so much to heart and is so hard on herself, so she had some big stuff to work out. It showed.

God, I did a bad job today. I was not great. I wasn't listening to what the girls said.

(voice deepened appropriately) Oh My Child (very Godly don't you think?), it is okay. You didn't do a bad job. You're just learning. All kids have a hard time sometimes. You just weren't paying attention. That happens to your Mommy and Daddy too. I don't want you to be perfect, My Child. You get love just because you are you, not because of anything you do or don't do.

Apparently God wasn't convincing enough for her...

Mommy Mary?

(high voice) Yes?

Mommy Mary, I did not do good today. I had a bad day.

Oh Dear, that's okay. No one is perfect. You are not supposed to be. You did just fine. Even when you are a grown up you will still make mistakes. It's part of being human.

Still not good enough...

Angels?

(singing voice... didn't know what to do... not really angelic myself!) Y-e-e-e-e-s?

I was not good. I didn't know how to do it right.

That-is-okay. You-are-wonderful-the-way-you-are! Ahhhhhhh!

Still not good enough...

Baby Jesus?

(Oh for Pete's sake! This brought about momentary confusion. Do I go with Baby Jesus, but he could only make cooing sounds? Do I go with older Jesus, but Ana doesn't really get that yet, so that would probably just be confusing. I settled on toddler Jesus)

Yes?

I had a hard day. I had a trouble.

(little boy voice?) That okay. I have trouble too. Ana has a good heart. That what matters.

Still not good enough!

Ummm, Baby Jesus? Can I talk to your Daddy, Joseph?

(deep voice) It's me, Daddy Joseph, but I'm really tired, so you're going to have to make this quick.

Oh, okay then. Never mind. Goodnight, Daddy Joseph.

I felt a twinge of remorse, but really I didn't know where we could go next. I was not about to start impersonating the shepherd and his sheep. Baaaaa....

Haircut

From under my desk:

Mommy, I didn't just cut my hair.

Probably no shocker to you to find out that yes, in fact, she did cut her hair. Directly following ensued a conversation about lying and the proper usage of scissors.

Put That Down!

Something you never want to hear your child say while you are in the shower:

Mom, I washed your engagement ring for you in the sink!

Luckily she kept it on her finger and was already drying it with a towel when I scared the wahoosie out of her by practically flying out of the shower. Note to self - she knows how to get chairs and use them to reach off limit things. Must invest in safe for every room.

A Relaxing Time... Not!

So I decided to lay down in the backyard and look up into the leaves while Ana played and Cooper ran around nearby. That is one of my favorite things to do - lie under a tree and just daydream.

The other little people in my family had a different plan in mind. This is what my relaxing time looked like:

I plop onto the ground and lay back, looking up through the leaves and branches to the blue sky beyond.

Enter Cooper, slobbered tennis ball in his mouth. Splut. He chucks it onto my chest. I throw it away as quickly as I can, wiping my hands on the grass. The sudden movement has alerted Ana to my restful state. She comes at top speed.

Smash. She stops on a dime. No, make that my hand. Mommy! What are you doing?

I'm just being peaceful, Baby.

Can I do it with you?

Sure, but we do it quietly and still. Can you do that?

Well, of course! 5 seconds later... Mommy, you're the Nutcracker and I'm Ana but I'm a grown up now so we're getting married and this is our honeymoon and we're on the beach, okay?

No, I'm Mommy Alison and I'm resting under the tree. Do you want to rest with me?

Well, of course! She drops - painfully - onto my body, laying herself lengthwise. Given her awesome height, she bashes me in the chin for good measure.

Oops! Sorry, Mommy!

Cooper chooses this moment to chuck the ball at me again, hitting me in the face with slobber. The threat of dog slobber gets Ana moving and she is off like a shot.

One slobber ball tossed and 5 seconds later... Ana's back. This time bearing a sharp stick. Mommy! This mascara and I'm going to put it on your eyelashes! I'm the makeup lady, okay?

Given the track record so far as to how many times I've been accidentally injured, I decline the makeover, citing my good reason. This only serves to further ignite Ana's imagination. Soon I find myself having blush put on with a leaf and the stick is used to put nail polish on my nails.

Chuck. Another slobber ball hits me and I can't remember why I ever wanted to lie on the ground and look up into the leaves. Facing my defeat, I rally the troops and we head back inside. Restful-ish time lying under the leaves - 3 and a half minutes. Injury count - 3. Slobbered laundry to wash - 3 articles of clothing. Odds of me trying that again anytime soon - slim to none!

Bebe Nena

A friend commented that she was looking for pictures of Ana as a baby on the blog and couldn't find any. She's right - the blog has only been up and running for about a year now. Before that I kept friends and family updated through email and a Shutterfly photo site. So, here is a compilation of Baby Ana photos. Or, as Ana called herself when she was a tiny one - Bebe Nena.

Short Term Memory Girl

My lady has no recall. Nothing beyond the past 5 or so minutes that is.

Ana, what did you have for snack at school today?

Chocolate ice cream.

No... I don't think so.

Ana, where did your jacket go?

Cooper put it outside.

No... I don't think so.

You do have to give her points for imagination...

We do this thing at dinner each night where we go around the table and report out one good thing that happened to each of us. Given the recall issue, this is no easy feat for Ana. She often tries to pass off eating dinner with you guys as her answer. Not surprisingly, she also fails to recall that we veto this answer every. single. night. Therefore, two nights ago found her answering for what felt like the 33,000th time - Ummmm... I liked eating whatever this is that we're eating with you guys. She actually managed to top herself - she couldn't even recall the meal's name!

Last night we went to a neighbor's house for a playdate/dinner date. A good time was had by all and Ana went home in a very happy mood. When I tucked her in I asked her, What was your favorite thing about playing at your friends' house?

Ummm... I liked saying goodbye.

For the positive spin, at least she won't be able to recall my Mommy blunders!

Consumerism

Ana, what are Nanas and Papa Bears good for? (thinking love, hugs, things along those lines...)

Well, Papa Bear buys me lots of ice cream sammiches and Nana knows where the Disney Store is.

Luckily, her answer to "And what else?" was:

They love me and love me and I love them and love them up too!

Welcome Home, Daddy!

Daddy has been on a work trip for the past couple of days and he returned home last night - much to the delight of his ladies - both big and small.

Ana seemed relieved to have a break from Mommy and she was especially vocal, besottedly crooning to him several times over the course of the evening:

I really just love this Daddy...

I'm just really falling in love with Daddy. I'm going to marry him some day.

If you look beyond the yucky incest factor, you don't get much better of a welcome home than that!

Ana 2: Self Esteem 0

Okay, you all read yesterday about the sudden pregnancy look that I seem to be sporting. If you are a reader of the last couple of months, you also know that several months back Ana reported to Daddy that I have "long boobies". Not big, not perky... long. I wrote it off as an accidental use of an adjective.

Ana struck again. Sunday night we were out to dinner with friends and their kids and we were all sitting at one of those round booths, Ana next to me and Scott on my other side. As I was talking to Scott, I felt a little hand grab my chest and give a squeeze. "Mommy, you have loooooong boobies." Apparently that adjective was no accident.

It's a good thing that I don't take much seriously these days because I would start to wonder about myself. More than I already do, that is.

Expecting

Ana has now told three people in the last week that I am having a baby. Luckily her teacher checked in with me after she got the announcement so that I could tell her that, no, Ana is not going to be a big sister any time soon.

I think I'm going to have to do some more educating of Ana around this topic as she seems to think that pregnancy can happen at any time of the day - even if just that morning it was explained that no, there is no baby in Mommy's belly.

I also have to pay attention to what I'm wearing as it seems to incite some confusion. After telling her Saturday morning that I was not pregnant, I got dressed for the day. It was a little chilly, so I put on a puffy down vest and shoved my hands into the pockets. Ana came into the bathroom in the hopes that I was putting on makeup and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me. Mommy! Is there a baby in there NOW?

Nothing like that to make a girl feel full of confidence. I changed.

Hook 'Em

Ana is the world's newest Texas Longhorns fan and I would venture to say she is also the world's greatest right now. We managed to score an extra ticket to a Longhorns basketball game on Saturday and were able to bring her along with our group instead of leaving her with a sitter.

She was not too sure what she thought about going, as it would mean leaving her beloved toys, until we told her she could wear her Texas cheerleader costume. That did it. If you can wear a costume for it, she is game. I think I'm going to invent a Super Doctor's Office Girl costume. But I digress...

We got to the arena and lo and behold, they had popcorn! Now she was sure that she loved all of the hoopla - costumes AND popcorn. What could be better? This inspired a fierce sense of loyalty in Ana:

Which are our boys? I'm gonna be their cheerleader and help them to be the winners! Go, Boys! Go Horn Boys! Texas! Go team! Did they win now? (1 minute into the game)

Mom! Look! I can do the horns (the hand sign)! I'm a grown up cheerleader now! Hook 'em Horns! Go Boys! Texas! Fight! Did they win now? (1.5 minutes into the game)

Whoo! Whoo! Can I have more popcorn? Do you see my golden hair with my costume? I'm a cheerleader like those girls (the real cheerleaders) but I am fancier! They wish they were fancy like me. Go Boys! Share the ball! Did they win now? (2 minutes into the game)

And so it went.

It actually got way less interactive on my part once I discovered that she thought the cheering meant someone won. After she understood that it did not in fact mean that, she was just content to yell out her, Go Boys!, You need to share the ball!, and Texas! Fight!s, which is super cute coming from a tiny cheerleader wearing a tiara and toting a plastic microphone.

Dreaming

So, Ana finally had a new dream. I'm inclined to believe that at least part of her dream was true because it was something different than her stock answer of, "I dreamed about a unicorn."

Not sure what this new dream could mean, though, as her answer yesterday was, "I dreamed about going potty for a long, long, long, long, long, long time. And then I saw a unicorn."

Not sure that will be in the dream interpretation book.

Preschool Lessons Part 2

Before I start my tale of more things learned at preschool, I need to give you some background information. This year we started a new tradition. On Christmas Day - well, actually the day after because of my crap all memory - we put a candle in a mini cupcake, lit it, and sang 'Happy Birthday' to Baby Jesus.

Flash forward to preschool today... I stayed with Ana for the first part of the day, which included Chapel. Four classes worth of children filed into the small music room to learn the lessons of the day. The Chapel teacher, Miss J. I'll call her, held up wooden figures of Joseph, Mary, Baby Jesus, and the Three Wisemen as she told the story of Jesus' birth. When Jesus was held up, my little piper called out, "I love Jesus!" So appropriate and all of the teachers beamed and made encouraging "ahhh" noises. Sadly Ana continued. "I love him because I ate his cupcake all up!"

We were not the only piper, thank goodness. The story continued with the Three Wisemen - "And they brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Frankincense and myrrh are like very expensive perfumes."

"Hey! I saw those at Nordstrom!"

Ba. da. bum.

Semantics

In Ana's speech therapy, she is learning that our words help "paint a picture in people's brains." If our words aren't clear or descriptive enough, then the listener is left with a "question mark in his brain" and they don't know what we are talking about.


It was Daddy's turn to put Ana to sleep last night and I overheard the following conversation:


Okay, Ana. We're going to go upstairs and brush your teeth and I want you to do it friendly. No fighting, okay?


Okay, Daddy.


Whew. Thanks, Ana. I don't like to fight you when we brush your teeth.


Well, we don't know about it, do we Dad? There's a question mark in our brain. We might fight about it or we might not.


No, I'm pretty sure there's no question mark in my brain. I don't want to fight about it.


Hmmm... well we will see.

What I Learned In Preschool

So, yesterday was the day that I went to Ana's new preschool with her. She did fantastically well, but I did end up having to stay the whole time with her. It was actually more informative than a drag because it is amazing what you can learn at preschool. Such as:

1. Most of the children's parents sleep without a shirt on, but one little boy's Daddy sleeps "in his buck naked".

2. What one child has done, they all seem to have done. For example, they all just went to Mexico over Christmas. Ana included. Funny, I didn't notice she had gone, but stranger things have happened.

3. Ana's lunch was woefully lacking in comparison to the best in the class - pork tenderloin, homemade mozzarella balls, grape tomatoes, and homemade pita. Uhhh.... tuna fish and a fruit strip?

4. Play imitates real life. Ana and a little boy decided to play house out on the playground. They drug two chairs into the little pretend house and sat facing the corner of the house. What are you guys doing?

We're watching TV.

What else? Let's go outside and... watch TV...

Later I passed by the house and they were sitting facing opposite corners. What's up, Guys?

He started watching Power Rangers, so I turned on princesses.

Yes. Quite.

Modern Day Meets Old World - A Pictorial

"I'm telling you, you don't want to go down that route at your age. You should only guess how little sleep I get each night - what with the baby crying, the donkey lowing, and that wise man who keeps talking to the potted plant. Not too wise, in my opinion."



"I'm not looking. I promise. I'm just standing here trying to put this box of gold down the toilet."

Sweet Tooth

7:30 a.m. In bed.

Do we still have that chocolate ice cream in the 'fridgerator?

Yes. In the freezer.

Can I have it?

No, Baby. It's morning time. Time for breakfast. We don't have ice cream at breakfast. Ice cream is for later in the day.

After my brekest?

No, it's for later in the day. Like after lunch, or at night after dinner.

Okay. I'll have some lunch now, please.

Must. try. harder. not to be. outsmarted...

Happy New Year!

We ushered in the New Year with a New Year's Eve trip to the Zilker Tree. The tree is an Austin favorite that I went to as a little girl - an enormous tree made of lights that you can stand under, or even better, twirl under until you are practically sick or fall down. It's a good time.

We felt a bit like we were coming full circle because a trip to the tree was one of the first things we did when we all moved here last year. But, at that time, Ana was threatening to "kick you in the eye" to kids because she was so nervous and anxious from the move. Last night it was so wonderful to see her spinning and laughing, with no threats in sight. In fact, she even made a new friend:

Samantha: What's your name?

Ana: AnastasiaBrittonBogle

Samantha: What did you say?

Ana: AnastasiaBrittonBogle

Samantha: What?

Ana: AnastasiaBrittonBogle

Samantha: I'll just call you, Hey!

Ana: Okay. What's your name?

Samantha: Samantha. Wanna play?

Ana: Of course!


And off they ran. It was a beautiful thing.

Happy New Year!