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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Who Let Me Out of the House?

I learned something Saturday night. As my tolerance for noise, snot on my shirt, and cartoons at 6:45 in the morning has risen, somehow my tolerance for all things alcoholic has gone the other way. How can that be fair, I ask you? It seems that I should get some kind of a reward for being able to sing the theme song to Curious George in my sleep.

On a positive note, I am now able to bring Scott this close to wetting himself by my attempts at humor after only one margarita.

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Saturday, January 30, 2010


This morning Scott brought the little one into bed to cuddle with me. "My Mommy!!!" She made my heart melt with her excitement to see me.

There is no hiding from the truth with 3 year olds, though. She followed her declaration of love with the following:

I smell the smell of Mommy.
It's stinky.

Daddy laughed until the jab in his ribs shut him up.

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Friday, January 29, 2010

Feeling Sentimental

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my daugher spends the morning with her great grandmother.

Grammy's ashes were scattered to the wind at The Rememberance Gardens, a beautiful sanctuary at the same church that holds Ana's preschool.

There is something comforting in the knowledge that they are together during the day - that my dearest joy and one of my true loves share the same space.

They had only two days together in life, but they are together still.


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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Everyone's A Critic

A scared Ana led to me sleeping in her bed last night. She kept us up a bit late with her tender musings:

I love your nose.
I love your eyes.
I love your pretty brown hair. Papa Bear, he has brown hair too, but he has not much. He's brown hair has only a little bit. Not much. No, not much.

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Where's My Paycheck?

Heard over the monitor this morning:

Nana is at work work.

Daddy is at work work.

Papa Bear is at work work.

Mommy is at work work.

No, silly, Mommy isn't at work work - she works with ME!

Darn straight! Now if only we could do something about my Goldfish paycheck ;-)

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kids Are Weird

Ana spent about an hour yesterday playing on a McDonald's playscape. I had planned to stay for about 15 minutes, but as she wasn't pushing anyone and was being friendly, I sat in awe longer than I meant to.

Check out this conversation between Ana, a long, brown haired girl, and a blond short haired girl wearing a jacket:

Long to Ana: When you go, is your brother going with you?
Ana: I don't have a brother.
Long: Yes you do.
Ana: No I don't.
Long: Yes you do - that boy right there in the jacket. The one with no hair. (bear in mind they had been playing together for an hour at this point)
Ana: He's not a boy. He's a girl.
Long: Hey, Boy? You're a girl?
Short: Nods

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Monday, January 25, 2010

Super Powers

Lordy I love my video monitor! Today I have been able to yell up the stairs the following during naptime:

Lay back down!
Close the window!
Put Elmo and the fairies down!
Go to sleep!

I think Ana is beginning to believe that I can see anywhere, at all times. I'm thinking this will come in handy when she goes on her first date to the movies:

Tell him to get his arm off of your shoulder! Make him keep his lips to himself - no sharing!

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Eaglette Has Landed

Girlfriend is back on her "home" turf, and none too soon. A few more hours and I would have been searching Amazon for "loony bins" so that I could have one overnighted and crawl inside.

I am happy to report that Ana is back to her usual self (although still with a mild, stress-induced, propensity for threats). I could visibly see her load lighten as she boarded the plane, waiving and smiling at her subjects, treating them to a more than slightly off key version of the theme song from Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

Needing to vent to my mother on the car ride home from the airport, I changed the names of key players to protect the innocent - Ana became "Shelley". After I finished my horrific tale, a little voice piped up from the backseat:

"What that Shelley girl do? That's not to do! That's not what we do!"


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Thursday, January 21, 2010


McDonalds' bathrooms are a good place to cry. They have really private stalls. The toilets flush really loudly. If they're not loud enough, you can kick in a hand dryer for good measure. There's lots of toilet paper for sopping up after.

Doodlebug continues her swath of terror across the Southwest. As she is 3, she also has uncanny radar for just how far she needs to push her mom to break her. Bumping a one year old off of a bench and running around shouting to a 1 1/2 year old that she couldn't play on anything in the McDonalds play area seemed to be the last straw. Oh yes, the "I told you! You don't tell me anything! I don't like your pants!" was also a nice touch.

Let's all bow our heads in prayer for the people sitting next to us on the flight home tomorrow. Mommy will be praying that Ana's (mostly) angel self will have returned as she will know that she is heading back to familiar turf. If not, you might want to look for me at the nearest Austin Mickey D's...

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Unamazing Race

Ana and I will not be entering as contestants on The Amazing Race anytime soon. Not unless they have a prize for "Worst Team" or "Those Who Come in Last".

Some of you who read a post earlier in the month will remember that when Ana is nervous, she talks a big game - "I'll kick you in the eye" - to make herself feel better. Imagine, if you will, how much she might up her game if you take her on a trip to Phoenix to see lots and lots of people that she doesn't know.

Perhaps we might win if they gave an award to "The Person Able to Make the Most Threats to Others in Less Than a Minute". We own that category.

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Melts In Your Pants

We all know that M&Ms don't just melt in your mouth, they DO melt in your hands. A lesser known fact is that gummy fruit snacks melt in your pants.

This we know because Ana dropped one in her seat at the start of our 2h 35min flight to Phoenix. This we know because we discovered the gummy when I tried to lift Ana out of her seat at the end of the flight and only Ana came up - her leggings stayed behind.

Apparently not only do gummy fruit snacks melt, they spread. Think on that one.

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

World's Worst Mother

Said by me today, "Yeah, we could drive out there ahead of time and have my parents bring What's-Her-Face later." To my credit, I busted up laughing at about the same moment Scott did. "Uh, yeah, that girl that lives with us?"

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Friday, January 15, 2010

Wild Animal

Today I learned that what I am doing is not much different from working with wild animals. That right there should tell you something about parenting. The speaker I was listening to did not say that exactly, but I am not good at reading between the lines for nothing! What she did say was, when disciplining your child:

1. Approach slowly
2. Lower your voice and speak softly
3. Look them in the eye and tell them what you need from them
4. When finished, back away - do not turn your back on them

Number 4 is where I was going wrong! Yesterday when I finished correcting Ana for something, I made the critical mistake of turning my back to her. The little turkey walked up behind me and gave me a swift kick in the ankle. Now, how did she get the Cliff Notes, I ask you?!?

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Too Cool

My kid is cooler than I am. Somehow, at times, she manages to come off like the older sister while I play the part of her younger, overly enthusiastic kid sister, tagging along, pulling at her shirtail.

Ana! I have a really fun idea! Let's play your Dora puzzle! That would be so fun! Let's play it now, do you want to?!?

(voice dripping with irritation) Let's n..o...t...

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I am slowly learning that I must be very precise with my speech.

Dear Chick let one rip this morning. And then just stared at me. Never one to pass up a teachable moment, I began to coach her - "Now what do you say?" Again, blank stare.

Working harder, I began to supply her with the proper words - "You need to say..." - when I was assaulted by an overwhelming stench. "Oh gross, Ana! That stinks!"

God love her, she did do as I told her.

"Oh gross, Ana! That stinks!"


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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Out of the Game

"No, my mama's not having an accident. She's exercising."

Well, I did it. I knocked myself out of the game on my first day.

Banana and I joined a gym. Okay, so we joined a free 7 day trial of a gym that has a fabulous indoor playplace for her and a bit of a break for me. I ruined our fun on trial day #1.

Apparently I have pulled a neck muscle. Nothing as impressive as a side neck muscle from lifting too much. No, I managed to pull the one that runs right up under your chin.

How did this happen you ask? Picture your days of in class nature videos. You know that one turtle that was always straining his neck out a little too far? Just call me Turtle.

I did this by lifting the minimum weight allowed on the bench press machine. And who said toting kids around made you stronger? Me, at one point. Now I just say that Old Me was a liar. Don't listen to her.

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Friday, January 8, 2010

Bedtime Hobo

My girl plays the harmonica. Pretty well in fact. This I know because Papa Bear put her to bed with one last night. Rookie mistake.

This morning, instead of the sound of her call over the monitor, I hear a wobbly tune. Planning to tease her for playing with a toy in bed - a definite no-no - I creep up to her door.

"Mom! I'm playing the Baby Jesus song!"

Leave it to Chick to figure out the one loop hole...

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Thursday, January 7, 2010


Do not go shopping for kids' clothes online while drinking. No matter how great the sale. I wish I had known this rule before I hit up the Gymboree 60% off/ free shipping sale of last week.

My order arrived today.

Let's just put it this way - when Ana is 7 years old, she's going to look really cute in that skirt...

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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Making Friends

"What?!?! The door said 'Push', so I pushed him down!"

We will not be. Making friends that is. After our recent relocation back to TX, we have found ourselves without daytime playmates. I have been toting Girlfriend all over town so that we can make ourselves available to any friendship opportunities that might present themselves.

Someone is not on board with this plan.

When Chickie gets anxious or nervous, she talks a big game to make herself feel a little more secure. We would stand a better chance at making friends if she was a leg clinger or some other such thing. Not my girl.

At the library storytime today:

Me: Ana, look this little girl wants to sit here by us! Can you say hi?

Ana: You can't sit here. I'll kick you in the eye.

For obvious reasons I didn't feel that it was then appropriate to ask the other mother if she wanted to grab lunch after.



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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Hover

Weightlifters have their moves: butterfly, bench press, curl, clean and jerk; Mommy has hers: The Hover. It is supremely effective for building up killer back muscles, although it is equally adept at putting out backs as well.

Necessary equipment consists of one 36 pound toddler and one excessively dirty Subway bathroom. Oh yes, it helps if said toddler is planning to camp out for awhile and not just "leave her mark" and go.

Mommy's new record is 7 minutes of suspended animation over a potty somewhere in Ozona, TX. Can you picture it? It was not pretty, but Mommy swears there is a new ridge of muscle on her back that wasn't there before. Either that or she gave her back a hernia.

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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Secret Conversations

Daddy has secret conversations with his girl. Conversations I only hear because I eavesdrop over the monitor. Conversations that are writing words onto her heart.

Daddy holds her up to the mirror and tells her to look at how beautiful her brown eyes are, and he calls her his brown-eyed girl.

Daddy tells her that he is proud of her that she kept trying to do the puzzle because he knew she could do it - because she is very, very smart and she should always believe in herself.

Daddy tells her that she is a good and wonderful person - all of the time, not just when she is acting happy or sweet.

Daddy is our hero.

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Friday, January 1, 2010


Is it possible for someone so young to be a smartarse already? Overheard in the car last night (Mommy was not driving, by the way):

SOMEBODY in this car is driving TOO fast!

Remind me to reposition her carseat so she can't see the speedometer... ;-)

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