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Friday, April 30, 2010

Vegas Solo

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy work trip to Vegas (you cad!)
Or, if thou wilt not, take me with you
And I'll no longer be a shrew

'Tis but a mystery why you scratched my name off of your packing list (I thought that was clever)
'Tis my current life that gives me pain - sick child at home
I long for fruity umbrella'd drinks by the pool
Sleeping in, in a room that does not have a short, blond stowaway at my feet

O, swear not by the moon, th' inconstant moon
That monthly changes in her circle orb
Lest your return prove likewise variable

Instead, swear that you will return with a bow wrapped package
Do not return with Southwest peanuts like that one voyage
Nay, just return - we are missing you here!


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Thursday, April 29, 2010


Apparently the fact that I couldn't make a baby even if I ate oysters until the cows came home has rendered my child confused.

This morning she walked into our bathroom with bulging underpants. She had stuffed Jasmine and Aladdin down there and told me that she had babies in her panties that were being born. Brilliant children that they were, they came out and said, "Thank you Mommy for having us be your babies. Wah, wah, wah."

Actually, as I type, I'm realizing this is far more accurate than sticking them under her shirt. What is Dora teaching our children these days?!?

Don't worry, I am now off to find the bleach.

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Wednesday, April 28, 2010


One of the things that Ana's therapy-related books talks about is the idea that humans are "relational beings". It is because of our relationships with other humans that our brains develop in certain ways and that our immune systems are strengthened.

This is one of the reasons Ana struggles - because for the first year of her life - until we got to her - she didn't have these relationships. She didn't have these emotional connections.

Today I felt just how true that concept is. A great morning turned into a stressful afternoon - filled with doctors, x-rays, blood tests, and the diagnosis of bronchial pneumonia for Chickie. Because Scott is out of town on a work trip, I then had to schlep my sick baby to the pharmacy and entertain her until the medicine was ready.

By the time I got home, I was dragging. That is until I saw my doorstep. Roses - big and small, pink and perfect. From dear friends in Pittsburgh. In an instant my load was lightened. My friends were suddenly there carrying it with me.

One of the greatest pleasures of being human is our relationships with other people. Thank you, dear Jenny, Grace, Bethany, and Angela. Thank you also to those of you who have called - although there are many I haven't been able to get back to yet. Thank you also to those who have emailed, texted, or sent a thought or prayer my way.

You have all made my load lighter to carry and I am truly grateful for that.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Story Time

So, one of Ana's therapists recommended making little books for the things we do regularly - to help Ana be prepared for what will happen and to point out ways to be successful during these times.

I thought it was a fabulous idea and got to work right away.

Daddy couldn't help but laugh when he saw the title of my first book - sure to be one of the year's bestsellers:

Anastasia Goes to the Grocery Store

Even funnier to him were my drawings. Just for that I made his nose extra big in the next gripping volume - Ana Plays in the Front Yard.

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Monday, April 26, 2010

New Neighbors

Saturday found us dragging things out of the garage so that we could unbox them in the driveway. Ana did an amazing job of entertaining herself - disappearing to play inside for long stretches of time. Perhaps we were a little too enthusiastic about this progress and should have done a better job of checking up on her.

New neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves, so I went in to get her. Thank goodness I didn't just call out to her as I found her with a pair of blue silk panties on her head (not her size).

Look, Mom! I look fancy like Jasmine! She wears blue too.

True, she does. Perhaps not her mother's undergarments, and perhaps not on her head, but she does wear blue, Ana. Yes, she does.

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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Beautiful on the Inside

We are working on the difference between "fancy" and "beautiful". I know what Ana means when she says something is not beautiful - she means that it doesn't have sparkles, ruffles, jewels, or ribbons. I know this, sure, but others, probably not so much.

Ana talking very loudly in the vicinity of an obviously not deaf (judging by her reaction) woman yesterday:

Mom! She's not beautiful! Look! Her shirt is not beautiful and her hair is not beautiful! She doesn't have beautiful shoes like me and look at her lips, they are not beautiful! Why is she not beautiful?

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Friday, April 23, 2010


In an attempt to have Ana nap, I laid down in the bedroom with her. No surprise here, this resulted in one napping adult and one wide awake 3 1/2 year old. She would have pulled one over on me if she hadn't banged her metal lunchbox against the doorframe as she tried to sneak out.

As my vision came into focus, I was greeted with the sight of Ana in full regalia:

2 metal lunchboxes filled with an assortment of plastic "friends"
one crown
my shirt, which was being worn as a dress
my shoes, on the wrong feet

Shhhh...Mommy. Close your eyes. It's nap time.

Guess what? I closed my eyes!

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Happy New Year!

I am voting for a change to 2011. So far, this has not been my year and I would like a do over, please. My expression for 2010 has become not when it rains it pours, but rather, when it pours, it floods!

It looks as though my minor surgery of a couple of weeks ago had major results - something was found and I will need to have more surgery so that what is not life threatening now, will not become so in the near future.

Oh goodie.

Here's where having a kiddo helps. Sure I had a pity party for myself when I found out, and sure I continue to have a minor one each night when Scott gets home, but for the most part, I see no other options, nor can I spend as much time thinking about it as I probably would.

After all, the show must go on and I am the prince, no Flounder, no Aladdin, no the Queen, no Malificent. Choices kind of become more black and white - I will do whatever it takes to stay Ana's Mommy for "all the days," as I tell her. I will not leave her. Oh yeah, and that sweet guy I married too. ;-)

Having this outlet to write also helps because it reminds me to look for the funny in all of my situations - and there is so much funny out there! Thanks for being along for the ride.

With all that said, looks like I'm off to don my raincoat...

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Your Majesty

Where does she get this stuff???

Ana, please hold still and help Mommy put on your shoes.

Oh, but your Majesty, I insist that you do it. Absolutely. I insist.

A discussion then ensued as to who exactly was doing the insisting in this situation.

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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Big Head

I now have another beef with Disney. My lady has good self confidence (in some ways), but Disney has enabled her to take that blessing and turn it into something obnoxious. Luckily she's only 3 1/2, so it's still stinkin' cute, but one of these days...

Mommy: Ana! Look! That girl has cool glasses just like yours.

Ana: Yes, but she is not pretty as me. She doesn't have hair like golden sunshine and her lips are not red as the rose.

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Monday, April 19, 2010


I am not a spanker, but I was this close after our doctor's appointment last week.

During checkout, a little girl walked into the payment area. Ana started to make a face, but I reminded her that if we do that, people will think we are mean and will be scared. Instead, we have to show them that we are friendly. If we smile at them, blah, blah, blah.

Brave Little Thing put on a smile and the little girl smiled back. Success! They were soon chatting away.

The little girl left and I was still paying - the checkout woman is sweet, but watching her handle payment is like watching paint dry. Now, from stage left, enters Little Boy and Little Boy's Daddy. My lady gives the boy her biggest grin, waves, and says Hi! WAHOO!

Does the boy ask her to be his friend? Does he smile back? Or, C, does he kick her in the shin? You guessed it folks! He runs over and gives her a nice fat goose egg in the shin. To her credit, Ana didn't jump him, she just looked up at me like - what is wrong with that guy? I thought I was the one with the social problems?

I'm thinking that that little incident set us back for sure. Luckily for him the boy's daddy put him in a time out because I was looking pretty hard out the window for a nearby woodshed. I was feeling an urge to introduce the boy to the joys of the great outdoors, from behind the woodshed.

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

We'll Be At Therapy

I have become one deprived woman. Evidence: I am excited that our therapy appointments have been upped from twice a week to four times a week because it means that I will get out of the house.

We will actually be starting a new kind of therapy, which will complement our current one - hence the additional days. It is more fun stuff for Ana - swinging on swings, bouncing on trampolines, and playing with toys of varying degrees of squishiness.

The neatest woman, also an adoptive mom, will be our therapist, and she has hooked me in by painting pictures of me eventually having an hour to myself while Ana does her work. I about fell down and kissed her feet when she said that. Thank goodness she was wearing shoes because I actually do not like kissing feet. They're rather gross if you think about it.

But I digress...

This post is to let you know that, should you need to reach me during the week, you can call me at 1-800-THERAPY. Seriously, I'm going to buy that 800 number. How cool is it that the number/letter combo worked out right?!? There's gotta be some perk to going at a problem full tilt! I also get lots of free office pens. And cold coffee. Admit it - you know you're jealous.

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Friday, April 16, 2010

Grumpy Man

Apparently the new sleeping arrangements are taking their toll on everyone. Ana decided to role play sleeping with me. First she pretended to be herself, then me, and finally Daddy.

Huff. Puff. Toss. Turn.

(goofy voice) I'n grumpy. I'n frustrated. I'n too hot. Stop talking!

Huff. Puff. Toss. Turn.

Goodbye Mommy, I'n going to sleep in the other room. I'n having a grumpy time. I love you. Goodnight.

She's an impressive actress because I found myself replying, Goodnight. I love you. I'll wake you up for work in the morning.

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Thursday, April 15, 2010


So, we succumbed to the general illness around here and let Ana watch Dancing With the Stars. I'm apparently still in recovery from my surgery, Scott was home with a fever, and we had made it to 7:00 by playing horsey, dress up, and princesses, and we were beat.

Girlfriend loves a good dance. She could dance for hours. I only don't let her because then I would have to dance for hours.

I haven't really watched the show before. At least not through a 3 year old's eyes. Frankly, I was appalled, but the munchkin already realized that the show was on, so we tried to do damage control.

Nakee! Nakee!

Sweetheart, her name is Pamela Anderson and she's not nakee, she's just still wearing her sheet from night-night.

Nakee! Nakee!

Sweetheart, she's a trained dancer and she's not nakee, she's...okay, she's nakee.

Needless to say, that's the last time we watch Dancing With the Stars.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010


My heart is breaking for my poor daughter. Her first big love has rejected her and she is not yet 4.

I refer to Leo. The one to whom she swore her undying love and intent to marry. Leo's equally wonderful mother told him of Ana's wishes and related the following to me:

Leo's Mama (L's M): Leo, Ana wants to marry you.

Leo: What's marry?

L's M: blah, blah, blah (insert age appropriate explanation here)

Leo: No! I can't marry! First I have to do my puzzle, then I want to go to the pool. Then there is another pool to go to.

Who knew commitment phobia started so young?

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

No Lie!

The way to know that I'm telling the truth is that I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

First I've told you about Ana's wonderful therapy - hand fed snacks, lotion rubdowns, and singing. Now we have the best doctor's appointment EVER.

It started with extreme tenderness and swelling on the left side of Ana's face. Really worried, I took her in. Turns out she might have some kind of a plugged duct. The way to relieve it is antibiotics + sucking on hard candies one after another + watching a movie to distract from the fact that she has a warm compress on her face. That was the doctor's order - pick her up some candy and let her watch a movie.

I really wish I could be like Tom Hanks in Big - I so want to be 3 again! Anybody know where I can find a creepy fortune telling machine? Ooh, and a big floor piano while I'm at it!

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Mama Love

No one ever tells you that motherhood is going to be as difficult as it is. I'm not talking about the exhaustion, the lack of privacy, or the need to roll the toilet paper back onto the roll every time you go into the bathroom.

I'm talking about how much your heart is wrapped around your little one - at all moments of the day, whether you are conscious of it or not. Mothers are strong creatures. We are able to be wishing, hoping, praying, angsting over our children, yet appear to be going along with business just fine.

I have two friends that spring to mind as I type this. I'm sure there are many more, myself included. I'm so proud of how strong my friends are - how their hearts are 100% present for their children, even as their own lives swirl around them. I'm not saying that they don't get frustrated, fearful, or irritated, probably multiple times a day, but I am saying that, to me, they are like Ana's hero-o-the moment, Mary Muffins (Poppins) - practically perfect in every way.

Here's a shout out to all of the mamas today!

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Saturday, April 10, 2010

Panty Raid

I was uber excited about my new walk in closet with built in drawers until the short one discovered my good fortune.

Now, on a daily basis, she comes prancing into whatever room I'm in wearing a random assortment of my undergarments around her neck and arms - apparently they are actually gloves and scarves for the royal ball.

She always manages to find the most lacy and skimpily cut. The sad thing is most times I make some form of comment like - Is that mine? I didn't know I had that!

Scott finds it saddest of all.

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Friday, April 9, 2010


So, I had minor surgery on Wednesday - went fine, no worries. Yesterday though, go figure, Ana decided not to nap. After "playing people", dressing up, and coloring for hours, my pain was reaching an uncomfortable level and I needed to take one of my painkillers.

Alison + painkillers = not the sharpest tool in the shed.

What to do for the next hour? A flash of brilliance before the wooziness set in.

Chick and I went out to the backyard and painted rocks. Painted. rocks.

Yep, I have reached a new low point in my mothering career. I am also sending up prayers for rain because there is now a markedly-more-ugly-than-the-others part to our backyard.

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bluebonnet Nazi

So, Chick and I went to take bluebonnet pics on Tuesday. Being the conscientious people-pleaser that I am, I schooled her ahead of time on the "rule of Texas" that says you are not allowed to pick bluebonnets.

There is a beautiful patch of them right inside the entrance to our neighborhood, so that's where we headed. Lo and behold, others had already mashed a path into the center of the flowers so we carefully picked our way along the path and set up camp.

Little Bug desperately wanted to pick some 'bonnets, so I finally caved and let her pick some of the already smashed ones because, let's face it, they were toast already.

Twenty minutes into our communing with nature a very hacked off old woman came walking up - "Didn't you see my sign? Don't you know how to read 'Private Property'? Do you know how much time and money I spent on this and everyone's mashing it?"

Keeping in mind that Ana's default setting is to see the world through black colored glasses rather than rose, I tried to keep my irritation in check. I said that we hadn't seen the sign and apologized for being in the flowers. I pointed out that we stuck to the already mashed path, but that we would leave immediately. I said that we were sorry for being on her property, but that we had been very respectful of the flowers the whole time.

Ana was having none of the rolling over routine. Thrusting her bluebonnet stuffed fist into the air and using her very best nanny-nanny-boo-boo voice, she said, "I picked your flowers! Look! I picked your flowers!"

I know you're not supposed to cover your child's face with your hand, but in some instances I do think it might be appropriate. Just saying...


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Wednesday, April 7, 2010


What is it about being responsible for someone's little life that ups your ability to be brave?

No, I didn't save Ana from a burning building or put her oxygen mask on before mine. Nothing like that; but I did pick up several pill bugs and demonstrate how they roll into balls when scared. I showed Ana that they have the attention span of my left big toe and that if you hold your hand still long enough they will all unroll and begin crawling around.

I haven't touched a pill bug for probably 21 years and here I was letting a handful of the buggers crawl around on me!

That is until I got the heebie jeebies, which luckily coincided with Ana turning her head so she didn't see them all go flying (into a nice soft patch of grass for you tender-hearts).

Seriously, though, I am counting this as a major breakthrough. Next stop, making myself eat baby corn - now there's something truly scary!

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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

How Cute Is This?

Apparently Ana's Pittsburgh friend, Natalie, has been hugging the Texas piece of her US map puzzle. It has a picture of the Alamo on it and she is convinced that it is a picture of Ana's house. How cute is that?!?

Sister, right now I'd take the Alamo any day over my house of unpacked boxes!

Besides, the Alamo always makes me think of the movie Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (wonder what this says about me?). To this day it remains one of the only movies that I can remember a quote from (don't want to know what this says about me!).

Simone: I know you're right, Pee-Wee, but...
Pee-Wee: Everyone I know has a big but...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about your big but.

How can you not like the Alamo after that? Sorry 4th grade social studies teacher! You always knew I was a crap student anyway...

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Monday, April 5, 2010


I saw something highly disturbing today. One of those things that you never forget. Something that will haunt me forever.

A white arm hair.

Seriously, I know it comes as no surprise that my stress is at an all time high level right now - Ana's stuff that's going on, a move to a new house, a ramp up in Ana behavior problems, Scott and I alternating evenings sleeping with Ana...but...c'mon! I thought that was an old wive's tale - that stress would turn your hair white.

New plan: consider going platinum to blend in with rogue arm hair. I think it could work.

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Sunday, April 4, 2010

"Happy Easter Day!"

The bunny gave me candy! That's so nice to me! Ahhhh...I love Christmas!

(We think it was sugar induced confusion as the pound to pound ratio of chocolate to Ana nearly approached 1:1 today)

Happy Easter Day, Everyone!

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Saturday, April 3, 2010

She's Ba-ack...

Well, "Shelley" has decided to grace her with our presence again. She's back with a vengence and has upped her game.

Moving into the new house on Monday was hard on her and it has been downhill ever since. She hung in there with just general anxiety stuff, only turning on us yesterday, but when that girl turns, man does she turn! No half-arsing it for Shelley.

Our bedrooms are on different floors, so that is mostly what threw her for a loop. For the nearish future, one of us has to go to sleep with her in our room while the other gets freedom for the evening.

It sounds lonely, but we are trying to think of the brightside. For example, we could each have an affair so that we'd have someone to hang out with - good idea, no? Another option - I can watch all of the Lifetime for Women made for TV movies that I want without anyone laughing at me when I cry like a baby.

Scott's plan is to OD on massive quantities of chips and meat products. Gotta love that boy.

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Friday, April 2, 2010

Making Conversation

Ana asked me if two men sitting on a bench were daddies. "They might be daddies, Sweetheart," I replied.

Mishearing me, one of the men said, laughing, "No! I'm not your daddy, little girl!"

I know that! retorted Ana. My daddy toots.

Can't argue with her there.

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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Peep Show

Look what Daddy came home to our last day at Nana and Papa Bear's house. Looks like they were just so eager to see him that they couldn't be bothered to dress up for the occasion...

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