Home       Nokay What?       Mother Hen      Gallery       Greatest Hits       Contact

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Why Indeed?

We recently received several Halloween costume books in the mail. I thought Ana might enjoy flipping through them, but I didn't realize that I should have previewed them before I handed them over.

Mommy, why is that fancy lady sitting on that man's lap?

Mommy, why is that lady's boobies showing?

Mommy, that's not to wear by people! That's to wear in privacy!


No comments:

Post a Comment

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Thank the Lord for a series of books about children that covers the highlights of each year. I recently started reading 4: Wild and Wonderful. The books are awesome because they allow you to look at practically every single behavior and go, Oh! I don't care that she is putting her hand down her pants and picking her nose at the same time. The book said that's totally normal. I LOVE this book.

It also helped me to overlook the following:

Mommy, I'm going to wear this dress outside. I'll wear it outside and a squirrel will poop on it (sound effects) and pee on it (sound effects). Cackle. Cackle. Cackle.

Totally normal. See page 5, subheading potty humor. Not worried at all. Not one bit.


Post a Comment

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Mommy Radar

Somehow I have developed a special kind of radar without my even knowing it. I'm not sure what initially sets off my detectors - is it a special type of quiet? A shimmer in the air? No matter, it works, and it is deadly accurate.

Yesterday, digging around under the deck, a prickle on my neck. Too quiet. I looked out to where Ana was not long before on the swingset - no Ana. I scanned the yard with my radar eyes. No Ana. Wait! A flash of blond behind the tree. Ana, what are you doing?


I forgot to mention, I also have some kind of superpower hearing - able to detect a falsehood in a single word.

What do you mean nothing? Tell Mommy what you are doing?

Nothing! I was just going potty outside.

Are you okay?

Yes, I am.

Radar alert! Radar alert!

I approached the subject for further investigation.

She was, in fact, alright if alright can be defined by soaking wet pants down around your soaking wet socks and shoes. Yep. Perfectly fine. Nothing wrong there.

Tomorrow's lesson - how to squat. Hey, I'm a realist superpower. I'm thinking this is a skill she's gonna need.

1 comment:

Post a Comment

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Letter To Ana

Three years ago today, Daddy and I were standing in a courtroom far from home, full of love, with our hearts in our throats. We had fallen in love with a tiny, red-haired force of nature and we were petitioning the court to make her ours forever.

By the grace of God we answered everything to the judge's satisfaction and received word that we would never be forced to leave you again.

Three years ago to this day you made us a family. You continue to amaze us, to force us to grow, and to give deep meaning and purpose to our lives. You are our fiercely guarded treasure, our secret smile, the one for whom the sun rises.

We love you now and for always. Happy Family Day, Dear One.


Post a Comment

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Laurel and Hardy

Ana was a regular stand up comedian Thursday. She had testing for a new preschool and they decided to throw another kid in the room with her to see how she did. Answer: pretty well if you get points for acting like you are on crack.

The two girls got each other going because they both recognized that they had easy marks in the observing teachers. I have seen it all. It is no longer funny. It ceased being funny a loooong time ago.

First they hit up the play kitchen. Broccoli?!? (Throw it down) Yuck! Bejebals (vegetables)?!? (Throw) Yuck! Eggs?!? Yuck!

Next it was on to playing house. Ana put on a ballet tutu to play the part of the mother and the other little girl donned a karate outfit to play the part of the father. Ana would dance around the kitchen a la Donna Reed while the "Daddy" walked around with his hand tucked in his pants. I have to say, I think things were reflecting better on me at that point.

They wrapped it up with a spontaneous song about picking your nose and bums. I am expecting our rejection letter any day now.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Friday, September 24, 2010

2 Ply

We have a rule in our family. It goes something like this:

Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper until it puddles on the floor. Even if you find it funny. Even if you find it very funny. Thou just shalt not do it.

Why then, Ana, did you unroll all of the toilet paper onto the floor? Why did you try to sneak out of the bathroom and close the door behind you, with a suspicious look on your face, attracting my attention?

It's okay, Mommy. I didn't break the toilet paper. I just took it apart (separated the plys) so that we can all have more. I was helping you! That was nice of me!

Yet again she has managed to find a loophole.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thursday, September 23, 2010


If Mommy won't let you play with her perfume, do the next best thing:

Cover yourself in grape flavored chapstick. Cover. Yourself. Your entire self. You will smell good. That is about the only positive thing I can find to say...


Post a Comment

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Your Reputation Proceeds You...

Should I be ashamed...?

We visited the Disney Store yesterday to exchange a gift. Ana and I were standing with our backs to the main part of the room when the manager came up to give us her spiel about the day's sales.

When we turned around, she said, "Oh! It's you guys! I don't need to tell you anything then."

Perhaps we have visited a few times too many...

1 comment:

Post a Comment

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Seriously Gross

"Trick or treat.
Smell my feet.
Give me some-ping good to eat.
If you don't, I don't care.
I'll just smell your underwear."

Not quite how I taught her...

1 comment:

Post a Comment

Monday, September 20, 2010


Daddy to Ana:

Ana, you really need to make an imaginary friend.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Dog Spinach

Ana, what are you doing with Cooper?

I'm teaching him Spinach (Spanish). I'm the teacher.

What are you teaching him to say?

The A, B, C and how to say Will you marry me to Mia (our neighbor dog).

I hadn't realized that the curriculum had changed since I was in school. Here I was thinking that the next thing you learned to say was 'D', not Will you marry me? Perhaps it's just because I'm not a dog. No smarty comments, Daddy.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Friday, September 17, 2010

Flush it Down the Toilet...

Ana started speech therapy yesterday. She talks well, she just has some trouble processing what she hears. All seemed to go well as I got a glowing report when I picked her up:

She did great! I explained to her about the brain and how it helps us make sense of what we hear. I showed her a picture of the brain and I could tell that she was really getting it.

Later...playing dolls with Ana...

Cinderella says to Arial (my doll): You have a brain. It is a lot of worms. You have to be careful because if you throw up, the worms come into your mouth.

Now there was $80 bucks well spent...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cover Your Eyes

Yesterday I took Ana to the Austin Zoo. Nothing fancy, it's mostly a shelter for neglected or unwanted animals, but it did the job. We saw lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! Rounding a corner, I heard some grunting noises.

Ana! I think there's a pig over there! Let's go check it out.

Walk, walk, walk

Oh no, that's not a pig. Look, that turtle on that rock is making that noise. Isn't that funny? I never knew that turtles made noises.

Walk, walk, walk.

Oh, that's not a rock. That's another turtle. Apparently a girl turtle. C'mon, Baby. Let's see if we can find something else.

No! I don't want to! I want to talk to him. He's talking. Hi, Turtle!

Grunt. Grunt. Grunt.

Hi! You're saying hi to me! Hi, Turtle. Mom! He's saying hi to me!

Please, please, let's go see something else.

You can go, I'm going to keep talking to the turtle. Hi! Hi!

Let me tell you... turtles are not fast at anything. We stood there saying Hi to that turtle for a good 5 minutes. I think I might have nightmares.

1 comment:

Post a Comment

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Cell Phone Count

Ana: 3 Cell Phones: 0

My latest cell phone appears to have bit it. It is never a good feeling to pick your cell phone up and have water stream out of it. I have to say, Ana gets more points for the last cell phone death - the overhand toss directly into the glass of red wine. Now that had style.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

You Did What?!?

Something you never want to hear your child say while you are in the shower naked (really, what other way is there to be in the shower? No, wait. Don't answer that.):

Mom! There's worker men outside! I left the front door open so you can see them too.


Post a Comment

Monday, September 13, 2010

Party Mafia

This past Saturday we threw a little birthday party for Ana at our house. God love her, even she knew she wasn't ready to have kids over (I'm scared of kids at my house. I don't want kids to come to my house), so we kept it family only.

Knowing that we would be out of town, I sent Ana's invitations out way in advance to family members. As a result, it slipped my Auntie Karen's mind. She realized her slip shortly before the party started and called to say that she was on her way, but that she would have to bring a present by later.

After the plentiful gift opening, Ana went into another room to color. Auntie Karen debated whether or not to tell Ana that she hadn't brought a gift. She finally decided that she would explain that Ana's gift would be coming later and so went to sit down with her at the coloring table.

Auntie Karen: Ana, there's something I need to tell you.

Ana: And where's your present?

I'm thinking my girl has a future counting cards in Vegas.

1 comment:

Post a Comment

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Oh, Lordy!

Ana and I had yet another one of our Talk to Your Higher Power talks - the ones in which I am usually asked to impersonate our Heavenly Father so that she can ask Him/me questions. This time, though, she put herself into the mix.

Mommy, can you be Mommy Mary and I'll be Baby Jesus, okay?

Okay. What is it, my child? (In my most saintly voice...)

No. First, tell me what you're wearing. Is it a robe? Do you have earrings?

I should have known that's what she would ask me about.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Friday, September 10, 2010


I am not above exploiting certain situations for my personal gain. I probably should be, but I'm not. Case in point - our flight to Orlando.

We had just buckled in and were busy ignoring the flight attendant's spiel. My ears pricked up when I heard her say the word birthday. Apparently it was another flight attendant's birthday and she was asking all of the passengers to sing Happy Birthday to this woman.

Ana! Listen! They're singing Happy Birthday to you! They know it's your 4th birthday on Monday!

You would have thought she'd died and gone to Heaven. (Eyes shining brightly) For me? They're singing for me! Because it's my 4th birthday!

That's right, Honey! They are. It's a very special birthday.


Hey. They called me Sarah.


Post a Comment

Friday, September 3, 2010

Pause Button

Nokay will be on pause while we whisk our little princess away to princess Mecca (Disney World) for her 4th birthday. I'm sure she will provide us with many an embarrassing/funny moment to tell you about when we return.

See you next Thursday!


Post a Comment

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dun Girl

Mom, can I be a dun girl when I get big?

What's a dun girl?

You know, a dun girl. And can I wear a pretty dress?

Sure, Ana, but I'm sorry - I just don't know what a dun girl is.

You know! Dun, dun, dun, dun! (sticks her leg out and waves her hand)

I'm hoping she was doing an impression of some kind of respectable dancer that would do that move - circus maybe? - and not one that jumps out of a cake. Funny how joining the circus just became more highly regarded in my mind.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Boy Parts

Ana is becoming increasingly interested in the differences between male and female genitalia. She has been asking me out of the blue questions, that I try my best to answer honestly, as long as we are not in public.

Not content with mere conversation, she has begun doing drive-bys when Daddy is going to the potty. It would be one thing if she were seeing him in an off-hand sort of way, but when she is seeking out a peep show, Daddy is understandably uncomfortable.

I brought it up to Ana and asked her if she was trying to take a look and she confirmed that this was the case. Daddy was highly uncomfortable by this point, so we came up with the solution that he would draw her a picture. From the other room I hear:

Oh, gross!

That's not gross, Ana. That's what it looks like. Mommy, can you come in here and take a look?

I went in and took a look and I couldn't help myself - Oh gross! Daddy had drawn an atomically correct rendition, with neighboring body parts and other, decorations, shall we say.

On the plus side, I think Ana has been cured of her obsession.


Post a Comment