Vocabulary Issues

Me to Ana: We did teach you the word Daddy, didn't we?

True Love

Ana is often uncertain of our love - Will you leave me? Do you still love me? etc. With that in mind, we do everything we can to reassure her that we love her very much and always will. If she pitches a fit, one of us will make sure to tell her, Even though you were talking ugly, we still love you very much. Ana has taken this sentiment to heart and is now using it in her own situations:

Daddy, even though you pee standing up, I still love you.

Thank goodness.

I Didn't Say That...

I don't like Mommy!

What did you say, Ana??????

I don't like monsters. They're scary.

Warming up for her teen years...

Con Artist

Ana knows that Nana is a sucker for any request followed by a please. With this in mind, she has managed to wheedle a collection of princess stuff out of Nana equal to my first year's salary out of college.

Chick and I met Nana for lunch and a trip to the mall to get new shoes yesterday. Since we'd be hitting the mall, I made sure that Ana knew we would not be buying anything other than shoes and that, no, there was not a Disney store at our mall.

Leaving the restaurant:

I sure wish I could buy something. I really want to buy something. I wish I could buy something.

Ana. Mommy told you that we're not buying anything other than shoes at the mall. Mommy is only spending money on shoes.

Ana dropped back so that she was now walking pressed up to Nana's side.

Nana, you got any money?

Fleecing the old folks already... ;-)

Bones...aka Fossils

Ana amazes me with her ability to a) learn things at preschool that I had no idea that they were even talking about and b) bust out one of her new preschool concepts to sub in for whatever word she is forgetting at the moment. For example, take the following conversation in the car earlier this week:

Daddy, what are you eating?

It's a Pop Tart. Here, have a bite.

(nibbles it). Oh, is it ice cream?

No, that's just bread and strawberry. Ish.

I don't like it.

That's okay, it's not that great for you anyway.

Oh, it makes your fossils grow down?

Something like that...

Memory Like An Elephant

We have a new ritual in our family. At dinner each night - or as often as we manage to have dinner together - we ask each other two questions: How was your day today? and What's one good thing that happened to you?

Saturday night we hit up Matt's El Rancho for Mexican food with Ana's two cousins, Grant and Lauren. On our way home I thought I'd try the questions on Ana knowing that she'd had a good day - the circus, her cousins, eating out.

How was your day today, Ana?

Great.

What's one good thing that happened to you today?

I liked eating out with you people.

I was touched by the extra effort she expended to remember our names.

Circular Reasoning

Mommy, what's a pack-pack (backpack)?

It's like a bag that you wear on your back so that you can carry things more easily.

No! It's what you put in your cuvvy (cubby).

Mommy, what's a cuvvy?

Well, it's the drawer in your classroom that has your name on it.

No! It's where you put your pack-pack.

At Least She's Honest

Ana's cousins are visiting from Virginia and she is having a blast bossing them around. We knew bedtime was going to be an all out battle to stay up with the big kids, so we had Cousins Grant and Lauren pretend that they were also going to go to bed when the timer went off.

Okay Grant, Lauren, and Ana. When the timer goes off in 2 minutes, it will be time to go to bed friendly.

Grant: Okay!

Lauren: Okay!

Good job being friendly, Grant and Lauren. Did you hear, Ana? Grant and Lauren are going to go to bed friendly.

Ana: lengthy pause... Hmm...Not me!

At least she's honest...

Cheetos

Proof that your child probably needs to go potty. Her white pants are suspiciously orange around the crotch.

Ana, do you need to go potty?

No, I don't.

But you've been holding yourself.

No I haven't!

Oh, really?

The Dentist

When I get laughing gas at the dentist's office, it feels much like having a margarita or two. Based on Ana's performance Wednesday, I'm guessing it's no different for the younger set..

Before she even got the gas, she was off to a running start.

Hello, Ah-na. How are you today?

Would you stop calling me Ah-na? My name's not Ah-na, it's Ana, you 'Ol Tootie Butt! (Lovely.)

Then came the in-ceiling Cinderella DVD and the laughing gas. My lady had no trouble keeping her mouth open as they applied her sealants because it just so happened to coincide with one of Cinderella's songs.

Ahhh hweam is a ish oore eart akes, en oore ast asleep.

Luckily the dentist found it funny enough and seemed to recover from being called an 'Ol Tootie Butt.

Bad Dreams

Here is real proof that our children can actually cause bad dreams. Ana refused to go potty before bed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I must have been worried that she was going to wet the bed or would wake me in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom. I figure this must have been my fear because my bad dream was this: My father was dying of a rare disorder and no one could help him. His symptom? An inability to stop going to the bathroom. Lovely.

Chicken Bang

We were lucky enough to have dear friends visit us last weekend. Ana and her little friend, Mikayla, giddily served me and my friend, Jennifer, fake food from their restaurant.

The most interesting meal of the day consisted of a lovely, whole plastic chicken, about the size of a cooked up baby chick. Surprisingly that wasn't the most unappetizing part of our dish. The most off-putting part was the name that Ana gave the dish - Chicken Bang.

I don't know, she might have something... Kentucky Fried Chicken Bang. McChicken Bang, Whatachickenbang. I'd like a #1 Chicken Bang with a side of tots. Ooh, no, supersize me to a Chicken Bang Bang.

It's All In A Name

Ana, if you change your mind, let me know.

No! I'm not going to change my name. My name is Anastasia.

Your MIND. If you change your MIND.

Blankie

Ana LOVES her blankie. It's not an issue for us because, for the most part, Blankie hangs out in the car while we shop, or go wherever it is we're going. Blankie waits for Ana until after school, and he hangs out in various rooms of the house until she needs to do a drive by sniff.

That's right, Ana likes to sniff Blankie. And woe to the person that makes Blankie smell anything other than stinky.

While staying with Nana and Papa Bear, Ana spilled blackberry juice all over Blankie. Well meaning Papa Bear laundered the scrap of fabric and presented him back to Ana who gave him a test sniff...

No! I want Blankie to be stinky! He doesn't stink good! That's not kind to me! I want him stinky! He smells too good!

Mexico

We had a park playdate this morning. Ana, as it so happens, is name challenged. She can remember a friend's name for about 10 minutes, and then it's gone. This doesn't stop her from renaming her friends with a name she deems more suitable - usually Metta, Setta, Gretta, or Reena. No, she knows no one by those names.

Today, however, she branched out. Mexico! Hey you! Mexico! Come here!

It's a darn good thing her friend wasn't Hispanic.

Beezus

Continuing the topic of bums... Ana and I saw the Beezus & Ramona movie the other day. Cute by the way. After much role playing of Beezus and Ramona - where of course I was Ramona who kept getting in trouble and Ana was the much wiser and "fairer of the mall" Beezus - somehow the whole game morphed.

I don't know how it happened. Can't figure it out, no matter how much I contemplate, but somehow Beezus has become the new word for bum around here.

Mom, look out! I'm gonna get your Beezus!

Mom, Cooper's licking his Beezus! Deesgusting!!

I Am Hysterical

I am like the funniest person I have ever met. I am just a laugh a minute. This is Ana's opinion, anyway. I am finding, given that we are mostly just by ourselves, that I am not opposed to believing her. It's nice to be the main attraction of the comedy world.

My latest funny move is to add bum to all of my jokes. That is a guaranteed side-splitter. The lucky thing is that I do not have to make an actual joke, it is more that I tell a story, that features a bum in it. That is all it takes.

Yesterday we saw a bird chase a squirrel across the street, pecking him in the bum the whole way. That became the afternoon's conversation. Mom, tell about the time the bird chased the squirrel!

Well, a bird didn't want a squirrel to go up his tree and go by his nest, so he chased him away. Birds can't talk, so what he did instead was squawk at him and peck him in the bum the entire way across the street. Peck! Peck! I'm gonna get your bum!

Ahhh haaaa haaaa haaa (snort, snort) Ahhh haaa haaa haaa. Can you tell me that bum story again?

Now tell me I am not funny.

Reading Material

Not to give away any of his secrets, but when a certain male figure that lives in our house, Bob*, heads to the bathroom with a book in hand, I know what he's going in for.

Apparently it works for almost-4-year-olds too. I noticed Ana heading towards the bathroom with a piece of paper and a marker in hand. I gave her a minute and then popped my head around the corner. Sure enough, there she was, paper propped on her knee, coloring away.

Needless to say, that was one piece of paper that made it only as far as the trash, but only because I *accidentally* got it wet. Oops, careless Mommy!

*names have been changed to protect the potentially embarrassed

Hide and Go Seek

Mama will never find me here. She never comes into the exercise room.

If you want to feel like a winner, play hide and go seek with Chick. This is how it works:

First, Mommy hides while Ana counts to 10 like this - 1, 2, 3, I'm coming now!

Then, Ana wanders around, with no powers of observation, missing the obvious bulge behind curtains or under blankets until I am forced to strategically cough so that I don't asphyxiate.

Now, the true fun begins. It is Ana's turn.

Mommy. Come hide me.

I can't, Baby. If I hide you, then I'll know where you are.

That's okay. You can do that.

Sweetie, that's not how it works. You have to hide yourself and then Mommy will find you. That is why it is fun - because I don't know where you are.

But no, I need you to help me. Please? I'm afraid to do it by myself.

Sigh. Okay, I will help you hide from me.

Then, we hold hands and I take her to some hiding spot, whereupon I pull some sort of cover over her. Next, I am forced to wander around the house saying things like, I wonder where Ana is? Could she be in this room? Wherever could she have gone? I just have no idea.

Ana thinks it is the best game EVER, hysterically funny even. Me, I think it lacks a little challenge, but what do I know?

Reality Bites

Our new strategy in the campaign of getting Ana to share with others is...fear and threats. That's right, we have sunk to a new low. It's not our fault, really. It is actually Scholastic's fault. We managed to happen upon a book called Why Should I Share? The main character has major trouble sharing and what happens? "Nobody will want to play with you." "Nobody will want to be your friend." Pretty harsh, but probably accurate among the 4 year old set. Funny thing is, it has turned into Ana's favorite book. She has yet to see the similarities between the protagonist, Jack, and herself, though.

Jack is not kind. That's not okay not to share. Ooooh... nobody will play with him. Nobody will marry him if he doesn't share his toys. I will tell him uh, uh, uh, boy!

A little bit of the pot lecturing the kettle? Uh, uh, uh, girl!

Marge Simpson

I am hacked. I just found out today that Marge Simpson is 34 years old. That is what I will be in December. I know that I am far from being over the hill, but this seems to be the year of realizing that I have reached the point at which a lot of people that I deal with are suddenly younger than me - the doctor, the bank tellers, Ana's teachers. And now, soon to be, Marge Simpson. There is just something about a big, blue-haired lady being younger than me. A woman married to the almost hairless Homer Simpson, with whom she has 3 children.

I'm just sayin'...

Photo Update

I am terrible at putting photos onto this site. I have the patience of a gnat and the 2.5 seconds it takes to upload the photos are just 1.5 too many. That coupled with the 2.5 minutes it takes me to find the camera and the 12.5 minutes it takes me to fend off the little blond camera hog and I just don't do it. So, here I am, bending to recent peer pressure, putting photos on the site.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to the ongoing re-enactment of Snow White. The aforementioned camera hog is calling me to get back to my part of...a pigeon. I kid you not. On the upside, it is incredibly easy to multi-task in my mind - as long as I remember to coo appropriately at various intervals. Coo. Coo.

A Pox On Our House?

Chickie got her chicken pox vaccination as a wee one. Chickie also developed 4 suspicious looking red bumps today. AND, Chickie has also seemed especially warm to the touch the last two days. Methinks Chickie has managed to find a loophole in yet another childhood vaccine.

Right now we are saying great big prayers that she was the victim of a preschool playground mosquito attack. While we are praying for a near miss, Chickie has lodged a complaint against the general terminology:

What's a chicken paw (pox)? I don't want a chicken paw on me, I want a doggie paw. And a doggie bow in my hair. A pink one. With diamonds.

That's my girl. Always accessorizing.

Souveniers

So, this was my conversation with Ana during our nightly bathroom pitstop on our way to bed last night. Mind you, she had not gone yet:

Ana, what are you doing girl? Get your hand out of your bum! You need to sit down and go potty. Are you finding something in there?

Yes. Toilet paper. (Holds it up as evidence.)

Silly me. I thought I had asked a rhetorical question.

Genius

Ana, go over there and bring your pretend mower to me. I want to show you something.

No, you go get it. I'm scared.

Ana, you're not scared. Go get the mower. Mommy wants to show you something interesting.

No, I can't do it. You go do it. You're a grownup. You're a genius. A genius.

I got the mower.