Uh... Thanks for the Lesson?

Ana played with her sitter yesterday afternoon while I ran an errand. When I came home she was in a really good mood and I could tell she had a great time.

I sat down with my lady while she ate a snack. Ana handed a cracker to me and I thanked her for sharing.

Sharing is caring!

That's right, Ana! I like that. Where did you hear that?

Ms. Andrea said that when her husband farts, he says, 'Andrea, sharing is caring!'

Uh... thanks Ms. Andrea?

You Know You Are Out Of Shape When...

You hold the TV remote out as you scroll through the 1500s and 1600s and your shoulder starts aching before you even reach the end of the 1500s.

You try to wheel yourself to the bathroom at Babies r Us while your friend, who was originally pushing you in the wheelchair, loads your stuff up in the car, and you think that you aren't going to make it because your arms are about to fall off of your body.

You sit down by reaching an optimal hover point and then you just freefall onto whatever seat you were going for - couch, edge of bed, toilet even.


Do they make a P90X for pregnant people? Make that a P3X. That's about all I could get through methinks.

Moo...

Well, we did it. We crossed over to the other side. We are now the owners of a minivan. Said we'd never do it - no offense to lovers of all things minivan - just never thought we'd get to that point that says - You are definitely not young anymore. Although maybe that is what the gray in the front of my hair has been saying for a long time, now that I think about it.

Ana was also less than thrilled with the change when we first brought the gray beast home.

Ana, how do you like your new car?

Not good.

We need to give it a name. What do you think we should call it?

Cow.


I am happy to report that I have been inhaling the new car smell like there is no tomorrow and have apparently gotten sufficiently high enough that I no longer mind that I could carry an entire little league soccer team in my vehicle. Ana has also come around and now kisses the van upon exiting. She has also changed the name from Cow to Rose, nickname Daisy.

Child Protective Services

Poor Papa Bear is out of the country and can't defend himself. Ana yesterday morning:

My tummy hurts!

Did you maybe eat too much breakfast?

No. When I was at Papa Bear's the last time, he gave me a beer.

Enough Already, Daddy!

If you hadn't gathered from earlier posts, Scott has a Chik-fil-A obsession. I truly he believe that he would name one of the babies Chik and the other Fil-A if it would guarantee him free spicy chicken sandwiches for life. He knows not to bother me anymore because I now flat out refuse to go with him if we already went once the week before. Looks like Ana is putting her foot down too.

Driving home the other night Scott made a pit stop at- where else?- Chick-fil-A to grab some dinner for him and Banana. Pulling up, a weary voice said from the backseat:

Oh boy... here we go again...

She got to go somewhere else :-)

Webster's Un-Dictionary

Ana has been reading Fancy Nancy books lately. Fancy Nancy likes to throw out a shi-shi word and then follow it up with "X is another word for... or X means ....". Apparently Ana likes her style. I have been treated to the following definitions over the last few days:

Mom. I was confused. Confused means you don't know and you don't know and you don't know, so you go sit under a tree.

Okay, Buddah.


Mom. Accessories is another word for things you need for a party. You must have accessories to be fancy. You can buy them at H-E-B and then you will look fab-uh-lous. You will be the prettiest in the land. You don't wear accessories. You need to get some.


Mom. Can I have some kukalah for dinner? Kukalah means not broccoli, not peas, not corn, not carrots, not anything. Only mac 'n cheese and dessert.

Dirty Shirts

Ana is breaking me in for the upcoming months/years of spit up, food covered shirts. She has really taken to her new sister and brother - at least in the non-crying, leaving her toys alone form that they are currently in. She talks to them in the morning and kisses them goodnight. All very sweet.

The one bit of attention that I could do without, though, is the feeding of the babies. She will hold a bit of her food up to my stomach and say, Here you go, babies. I will share my food with you! Apparently if you hold the food directly on the fabric of my shirts, it somehow gets through to the babies. They have had Chik-fil-A nuggets, a spoonful of cereal, a sip from a straw, sandwich, crackers, grapes, and my personal favorite - a bite of vanilla ice cream cone.

Thanks, Ana Banana.

PTSD

Apparently Scott was traumatized by our last newborn prep class - the one on breastfeeding twins. This morning we head off to our "Newborn Care" class and he had a few concerns to air:

This isn't going to be another one of those classes where women put baby dolls up to their boobs, is it? I don't think I can handle another one of those. That was just way too disturbing.

I don't mind learning about baby diapers and all of that stuff, but if I have to hear again about how some woman's breasts hang low and what should she do about it, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep a straight face.

The poor guy... wait until reality sets in at his own house. 30 weeks on Friday and everybody is growing like weeds, including me. Not much longer to go!

The World Is Ending

I have a very dramatic mood-swing-y child about one day out of every month. Luckily those days don't come around very often, but when they do, nothing is right and everything is "terrible". Yesterday was one of those days:

I can't sing good. I can never be in the opera. Listen to my voice. It is all scratched up when I sing soft. People will laugh. They will not buy a ticket to listen to me at the opera. I don't sing good. I sing like a clown.

I can't play soccer good. My hands are too little. It's not fair my hands are not big like Daddy's. This is terrible!

My hair is a mess. My hair is not good. I want short hair. My hair gets in my face. It won't stay in my hair thing. My hair is like a stinky toot.

We picked up a pretty white dress at a consignment shop just for fun. Ana was convinced it was meant for church only and let a tiny bit of excitement peek through before she remembered that it was drama day:

When is it church day? Is it this day, then the next day, then the next day, then church day? That is not far! That is soon! And then I can wear my white.... and then I can wear that ugly, scratchy dress. That is the most terrible dress in the whole world.

Whew! Thank goodness yesterday is over. I'm thinking of taking a trip ... solo.

Poetic License

See if you can guess who came up with this one:

Home again, home again
Jiggety-Jig
Daddy's a vampire
And Mommy's a pig

And Ana's a unicorn. With purple hair. And sparkly eyes.

Where Do Goldfish Come From?

Papa Bear gave Ana a big bag of goldfish to much on during our car ride home last night. Apparently the name of the snack got Ana thinking:

So, what they do is they catch the goldfish. Then they take out their eyes. Then they put them in the oven, really hot. Then they cook them up. Then they take them out and put them in a bag so kids can eat them.

What amazes me is that even though she thought her crackers once had eyes, she still never had a problem eating them.

Just Shoot Me

The ratio of morning people to non-morning people in our house used to be 2:1. The 2 being the ladies, the 1 being one very tolerant male. Scott was always a good sport - getting roused to go to an early breakfast, gamely putting on clothes to take a walk, even getting up to go run errands or go somewhere.

The ratio of morning people to non-morning people in our house is now 1:2. One being the almost 4 foot bundle of energy that wakes at the crack of dawn every morning, ready to dance, sing at the top of her lungs, eat immediately, go somewhere... The one convert to slugdom has been me - the large, unwieldy, sluggish, grower of two humans that always seems to be missing 4 hours of sleep somewhere. I now have a much greater appreciation for Scott's sacrifices.

This is what we were treated to the other morning:

Grown-ups wake up slow, but chril-dren wake up fast! Wake up! Wake up! Let's go to Rudy's and get breakfast tacos! Can you play with me?! Watch me dance! Wake up! Wake up! God made a nice day out there! It's time to see it!

If I ever turn back into that person, just shoot me...

Who Is This Kid?

I swear I do not teach Ana this stuff. She doesn't learn if from listening to me, either.

Driving home:

Me: When we get home I'm going to get on the computer and look for a birthday leotard for you. Do you want to help me look?

Ana: What? Are you kidding me, Lady???


The teenage years are going to be interesting...

You Could Have Heard A Cricket Chirp

Ana took a sibling class last Sunday at the hospital where I will deliver. While we waited for the teacher to begin the class, the kids looked at a poster of a crying baby boy, a sleeping baby girl, and an awake baby girl.

A little boy of about 3 wandered over to the poster with his dad. "Dad, what's that on his belly?"

The dad then launched into a way-too-technical-for-a-3-year-old description of umbilical cords. "Oh, and there's his ding-a-ling," the boy replied.

"Yep. That's his ding-a-ling," Dad responded. Then he made another rookie mistake. "And look at that baby. You're having a baby sister, so your baby won't have a ding-a-ling; she'll look like that."

Of course, the next question was, "And what's THAT called?"

You could have heard a cricket chirp...

At Least She's Honest...

Ana, bedtime!

Mom, can I have a drink of milk, and a drink of water, and a drink of orange juice?

You get your water, I'll get you juice. If you drink all of that, you can have milk.

But why do I want so many drinks?

I think it's either because you are really thirsty or because you're stalling.

It's because I'm stalling.

Well, at least you're honest, Kid.

Yeah.

The Hills Are Alive...

with the sound of... wardrobe changes?

I was beat yesterday afternoon, so Ana and I sat down to watch The Sound of Music together. A friend's children love the movie and Ana loves singing, so I figured it would be a hit with her.

I explained things in simple terms as the movie went along, including the part where the family flees from the "bad guys" until the war is over. Ana hummed, she danced, she ad libbed along - I could tell she was enjoying it. When the movie wrapped up, I asked her, So what did you think?

Well, when the kids and the Mommy and Daddy went away from their house, what happened to the dresses?

What do you mean?

You know, the dresses in their closets. What happened to the dresses?

Nothing. They just stayed in the closets until the kids got back.

The soldiers didn't wear them?

No, they wouldn't fit.

But, did they take them out of the closets and put their clothes in there?

No, I'm sure they left their clothes in their suitcases and didn't touch the closets.

Oh, that's okay then.

That was what worried my chick the most - not where did the family live while they were in exile? Not, what happened to the other people left in the town? Not, was everyone okay.? Nope. It was - what happened to the dresses? At least my girl is predictable... ;-)

Gee... Thanks...

I was leaning in the car window, looking at Ana in her carseat with a look of pure love on my face (or so I thought).

Mom. You look like a vampire.

Grumpy Ana

My mom took Ana, my sister, and I out to a resort for the night on Tuesday. Ana and I shared a bed and it was no picnic, let me tell you.

In the morning, Ana and I went to the little hotel playground to wait for my mom and sister to get ready. Nothing was to her liking.

Me: Ana, you sure are grumpy this morning!

Ana: Yeah.

Me: You must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed. That happens. Everyone gets grumpy sometimes.

Ana: Well, you know, you should have slept on my side and I should have slept on your side.

Maybe she has something there...

Next Husband, Please

I am not the most mobile or energetic person these days, so I offered to play little plastic princess dolls with Ana on the couch. That is right up her alley, so she was content. I was a little disturbed, however, by the turn our play took.

To set the scene...

I was "Mommy Alison", "Daddy Scott", Cooper (our dog), and a bunny rabbit

Ana was herself as a little girl, herself as a "grown-up", two princes, an assortment of waitresses, and an Auntie that showed up at the end of the honeymoon

The play began with us as a family. Ana grew up and fell in love with a prince, after asking him if he was kind, smart, and funny, of course. She enacted a wedding and then invited Mommy Alison, Daddy Scott, Cooper, and the bunny to accompany her and her new husband on their honeymoon - to Disney World, surprise, surprise. Her husband was apparently very accommodating.

While there, after eating a good lunch of ham sandwiches with salsa on them and "lemalade" to drink, Ana decided that we should all go for a swim. Sadly her new husband did a fatal cannonball into the hotel pool and had to go to the on site hospital, where he took an even worse turn and died from his injuries and "being sick". At this point, Ana's Auntie entered the scene to cry over the body, at which time she quickly aged and became so old that she too died. Ana changed into a "fab-uh-lous gown" to mourn her family members.

We flew back to Austin later that day, with Ana bemoaning the fact that she would never marry again because she married the only kind prince in the whole world and she did not want to marry a mean man. Well, luck would have it that as soon as we landed and exited into the airport, she met another prince who happened to be "kind and smart and funny". They went on a date the very next night and over a dinner of "steak and french fries and white milk" they grilled each other in the following manner:

Ana: Do you like children? Are you kind to them?
Prince: Yes. Do you like children? Are you kind to them?
Ana: Yes. Do you like animals?
Prince: Yes. Do you like animals?
Ana: Yes. Are you smart and funny?
Prince: Yes. Are you smart and funny?
Ana: I am. I think I can marry you. You are a kind person.
Prince: Me too.

They then came home from their date and told Mommy Alison and Daddy Scott that they were getting married the very next day and would be honeymooning at... Disney World.

My daughter, the Black Widow. Nice.