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Saturday, October 30, 2010

I Think I Just Got Disconnected

I was reading in one of the parenting magazines that playing telephone is fun to do with 4 year olds because you never know what the word will be by the time it gets back to you. Fighting off the starving grumpies while waiting for our Mexican food last night, I ran Ana through the rules of the game:

Me: I say a word in your ear, then you say the word in Daddy's ear. Let's practice.

Princess (whispered in her ear). Now you whisper princess in Daddy's ear.

Ana: (in a whisper) Princess in Daddy's ear.


AT&T she is not.

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Friday, October 29, 2010

The Not So Great Pumpkin

We had our own little Norman Rockwell scene last night. Daddy came home early for family dinner and then we all cuddled up on the couch together to watch It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Scott and I had fond memories of watching as kids and we wanted to start that tradition with Ana. What we didn't remember was all of the insults that were thrown around, which Ana happened to find hysterical.

You Blockhead!
Are you stupid?!?
I'm gonna knock your block off!

Thanks, Charles Schulz for giving Ana new ammo. You Tootie Butt! was getting kind of old, although I don't think Ana's dentist will find the new sub quite as funny:

Would you stop doing that, you Blockhead! I don't want you to brush my teeth!

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

You'd Think I'd Learn

You'd think the girl that famously turned her hair orange in college would learn. The box says rinse out in 15 minutes; but if 15 minutes makes blond highlights, then an hour and 15 minutes should make really blond highlights, right? Yeah...not so much.

Experimenting with all things natural of late, I have been using coconut oil as a face moisturizer at night. It's a bit greasy, but really fantastic. I was excited to learn that a teaspoon of coconut oil in your hair, washed out after an hour or two, also makes a really great hair conditioner. If washed out in an hour or two makes soft hair, then leaving it in overnight should make it really, really soft, right? Yeah... not so much.

If you see me out today, yes, my hair looks wet, but no, it isn't, it's just really, really coconutty. At least I smell delicious...

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fashion Police

Ana is not replicating my apathy-towards-all-things-accessory gene. Not at all. She asked me to tell her a story about meeting Daddy yesterday and here is how it went:

I was in a class in college with Daddy. On the first day I noticed his kind smile, his blue eyes, and how friendly he was. Daddy said he noticed my long hair and my smile too.

Yes, but what were you wearing? Did you have on a dress?

No. I think I was probably wearing a skirt and a shirt.

Oh.

But, I was younger then, so maybe some fancy shoes.

Oh!

Daddy and I talked and I thought he was really nice and very funny. He asked me if I would like to go on a date and I said yes. Daddy took me to a restaurant and we had so much fun talking and laughing.

What did you wear? Did you have a fancy dress? Did you wear your hair up in a bun?

I probably did wear a dress. And some jewelry.

Oh, good! That's good!

And so it continued...

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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Shoot Me Now...

Ana started her speech therapy yesterday. It's actually more of a social skills therapy, but whatever... We were sent home with a video about eye contact. Scott and I are supposed to learn the language that the video sock monkey uses and then use that with Ana. No problem there, it's just that we have to keep watching the video with Ana - over and over - so that we can all talk about it ad nauseum.

This is how I am now supposed to talk:

Ana, can you guess what I am thinking about?
Look at my eyes. Can you see what my eyes are looking at?
That's right! The table. Can you guess what I am thinking about?
No, I'm not thinking about going on the swing. I'm thinking about dinnertime. I am using the power of my eyes to show you that it's dinnertime.

If it works, I think this "power of the eyes" thing could come in handy when I do the get-your-finger-out-of-your-nose-in-public stare. Now maybe she will understand what I am thinking about.

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Monday, October 25, 2010

Rubber Foot

Our girl apparently has a rubber foot. Daddy accidentally closed her foot in the car door on Saturday - as in it actually latched. The poor guy felt so horrible that he was literally almost sick to his stomach. Other than a lot of screaming, all Ana has to show for the incident is a pencil thin line of a bruise, I guess from the edge of the door.

Scott felt even worse after it happened because Ana said to him, "Daddy, I'm sorry for you that you closed my foot in the door. I'm sorry that you feel sad about it." Talk about making a guy feel bad!

I think she is secretly enjoying her special status, though. Putting her to bed tonight the conversation went something like this:

Ana, close your eyes now. It's time for sleep.

Yes, but remember that time my foot got closed in the door? See it?

Nice try...

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blaylah and The Stone

We are getting quite the collection of crapola at our house. It wasn't so bad when it was scribbles and the occasional paper mask. Those I can tape to the door, fridge, wall, etc. I will also admit that sometimes I make the tape connection a little loose and then Cooper-the-Paper-Eating-Dog puts the latest creation out of my misery.

Ana's teachers are upping the ante lately though and I am none too thrilled. Let me introduce you to the latest member of our family - Blaylah. She is a tube sock filled with rice. Not a child's size tube sock, mind you, but a Daddy size. She has no face, yet she was given a gender and a name. What, I ask you, am I supposed to do with this thing? I am not about to bust out the duct tape and no, she doesn't look good displayed on the mantle. I tried it.

Yesterday, at a little church class, Ana created another illustration of why less is more. We are now the proud owners of a felt stone. And woe to ye who refers to it as a rock. This fine piece of brown-ness is a stone.

Unfortunately my child is way to smart for my own good. She wanted nothing to do with my suggestion that Blaylah and The Stone could have the garage as their own private palace, particularly the back left portion of the palace - behind that box over there.

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Friday, October 22, 2010

Bon Voyage

Half the world now thinks we are going to London. Why do they think this? Well, because our little spokesperson went around spreading falsehoods today. To everyone.

It all started when I was talking about my friend Linda who lives in London (ish) and how I would like to visit her again someday.

Good idea! Let's go to London.

Babe, you had a hard time going to Florida. London is very far away. I don't think we could go some place like that until you felt safer going to new places. When we travel you fight Mommy and Daddy. It's not your fault, you just get scared, but Mommy doesn't want to spend a bunch of money and go on a plane for a long time when you will fight with us.

I won't fight you! I will be brave! Please? Please? I really want to go to London!

Maybe someday we can go. Like when you are 10. Maybe your body will feel safer then and we can do something like that.

Okay!

This conversation turned into:

Checking in at preschool - I'm going to London!
When?
Soon, maybe tomorrow!

Seeing her teacher - I'm going to London!
Really?
Yes! I am!
Wow! That's cool, Ana!
Yeah! I'm happy about it!

Ordering a cookie at the mall - I can eat a cookie in London. With M&Ms. I'm going to London!

To our neighbor when we got home - I'm going to London! I'm going to see my friend Linda! And Mary Poppins!

It is going to be a long six years...

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Exclusionist

Ana has been quite the exclusionist lately. I've actually enjoyed it a bit because I've been part of the in-crowd, as in:

Daddy, you can't use this lipstick. Uh, uh, uh! It's for us girls!

Daddy, you can't wear hair clips. Uh, uh, uh! Just us girls!

Even I realized it had crossed a line, though, when Ana started blatant segregation. She laid a long ribbon up the middle of the staircase:

Daddy, you can't walk over here. This is the girls' side. You have to stay on the boys' side. Uh, uh, uh! This side is just for us girls!

Girl power gone wrong...

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Heckler

Ana is now accosting men in work clothes if she sees them out during the daytime:

Hey! Are you a Daddy?

Yes, yes I am. (Big grin, probably thinking what an adorable child, I love children)

Then go back to your children!

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Therapy

Yesterday Ana created her own approach to therapy. To her therapist:

I'm turning your voice off. Chh-chh!

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Monday, October 18, 2010

What's The Point?

Honestly. What is the point of bringing the camera anywhere when this is what follows a directive of "Smile!":


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Friday, October 15, 2010

About Peed My Pants!

I almost wet myself in front of the approximately 10 other people that were standing with me near the sweet potatoes at the grocery store.

Hey! Those look like penis-is-is!

This was said nowhere near quietly, mind you.

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Eureka!

One of my New Year's resolutions was to work on interrupting my husband. I don't interrupt because I don't respect him, nor do I do it because I'd rather hear myself talk. I often find what he says interesting and it sparks some thought of my own, which just seems to fly out of my mouth, regardless of whether his mouth is still moving or not. Okay, let me be honest here, pretty much always when his mouth is still moving. Given that this is still the status as of mid-October, I was despairing that this would be a repeat resolution for next year.

I hit upon a solution this week, though. Laryngitis. Given to me by Ana. I literally cannot interrupt anymore. I can't poke the pain anthill that is my throat. God love him, Scott has had many, many complete thoughts these last days. I must get better quickly, though, because I don't think I can keep my own record up and I can't have him getting used to the sound of his own voice! Hopefully Scott doesn't read the blog today or he might start asking Ana to cough in my face.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

These Are Your Brains On Nyquil

Ana has been fighting a nasty cold these last few days, which is finally being helped with antibiotics. We still give her Tylenol Nightime at night, though, to keep her coughing down so that she can actually get some sleep.

Last night she choked on it. Whacking her on the back I said, "Poor Baby! It went down the wrong pipe."

Hack. Hack. Hack. What does that mean?

It means that the medicine went the wrong way in your body and you choked.

Yeah, I know. It went into my brains.

Now that would be fast acting, wouldn't it?

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

She's Got My Back

Apparently Ana thinks her Daddy is in danger of forgetting his ties to me. Maybe he has been acting less affectionate lately or maybe, to her, he seems less attentive. Me, I haven't noticed a difference, but something has gotten her going. She seems bound and determined to remind him of my place in the family.

Hey, Dad! Don't drive yet. Your wife didn't close her door yet!

Dad! Careful! You just bonked your wife!

Hey, Dad! Your wife needs a drink too!

Thanks, Ana.


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Monday, October 11, 2010

Here Comes The Bride...

Ana's little neighborhood bud, Luca, came over again on Friday, bringing his 8 year old brother, Max, along with him.. The three of them went out to her swingset and had the following conversation:

Luca: Ana, I'm glad I met you!

Ana: Awwww.... that's so kind.

Hey, I want to marry you.

Luca: Okay.

Max: Luca, that's what you said to those other girls - Katie, Sarah, Julie, Kristen, and I think Jaime too.

Luca: But this time I mean it. Ana, I will marry you.

Mommy: Ana, getting married is something that people do when they are much older. It's not something for kids to do.

Luca: Yeah, when you're old, like 30. (Thanks, Luca)

Ana: Okay, will you marry me when we're old?

Luca: Sure.

Ana: Awwww... I love that boy. (Hopefully by the time they marry she will reliably be able to remember his name.)

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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Future Vegetarian

Ana: What's that you're eating?

Me: Fish.

Ana: Ooh! Gross! Is it dead?

Me: I certainly hope so.

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Friday, October 8, 2010

Potty Mouth

Someone somewhere along the line taught Ana the word dammit. Scott and I know for a fact that it wasn't us as that's not one we use. Not even on accident.

The first couple of times she said it - months ago - she said it quietly enough that we weren't even sure we'd heard her correctly. The next time she said it it was loud and clear, so we impressed upon her that that was a Mommy and Daddy word and that even we didn't say it because it was not a good word to use. We thought we had gotten the lesson across because the word didn't come up again. Until yesterday, that is.

In a restroom at the doctor's office, I banged myself on the stall door. Cupping my face lovingly in her little hands, Ana said, "Awwwww. Dammit."

Luckily it seems she hasn't quite gotten a handle on the proper usage. Or maybe she just knew that that was exactly the word I wanted to say at that moment if I didn't have a 4 year old audience!

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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Peer Pressure

Ana does not bend to peer pressure. I might be happy about that fact if it wasn't my pressure that she isn't bending to. I guess that makes it adult pressure then?

Ana, will you go get my bag for me and bring it to the computer? I need something in it.

Nope.

When I was a little girl, I loved to help Nana if she needed help.

Pause...

But not me! I just want to relax.

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Vocabulary Issues

Ana has invented a new sport - juggling while jogging = Joggling. Picture it.

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Fantasy Land

It is very difficult to get any kind of information out of someone who lives in Fantasy Land. I submit the following as evidence:

Ana, what did you dream about last night?

Unicorns.

Next morning... Ana, what did you dream about last night?

Unicorns.

Next morning... Ana, what did you dream about last night? Was it perhaps unicorns?

Yep. Unicorns.

---
Ana, what did you have for snack at school?

Cupcakes and ice cream.

Cupcakes and ice cream?

Yep. And chocolate and candy and jelly beans and cookies.

Ummm Hmmm.

---

On the bright side, Fantasy Land seems like a darn nice place to live.

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Monday, October 4, 2010

Boys

Ana had a neighborhood boy in her room yesterday. Given her attitude towards people her own size just six months ago, this was more a celebration for us than a harbinger of future things to come. He was an older man of 5 years and he had much wisdom to impart. I know because I eavesdropped.

Ana: Let's color. 1.5 seconds later... Let's do something else.

Luca: No. You need to take your time. Sometimes you just need to slow down and take your time to have fun. See? This is how you take your time and have fun.

Ana: Look!

Luca: A globe! I always wanted a globe.

Ana: This is where I live! I live in America. Where do you live?

Luca: I live next door.

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Saturday, October 2, 2010

All Night Bender?

After being greeted by the following scene, I am wondering if I should be concerned about Ana's pretend play...

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