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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Deprogramming Manual?

It is often bemoaned that children do not come with a programming manual. I would argue that perhaps even more helpful would be the deprogramming manual to aid in undoing whatever silly habits you might have ingrained into small impressionable young minds.

For example, Reed and Sofia think the following is hysterical:

What does the gorilla say?

Aaaaarrrrr (beat chest with both arms)

They also find the following amusing:

Can you honk Mommy's nose?

(small hand squeezes my nose - hard) Honk!

These inside jokes are not to be topped by the spontaneous breaking into of baby applause to indicate their approval of something.

All seemingly innocuous and fun... until it's not. Such as at bedtime. When I am exhausted and want them to sleep. Picture it:

Final nursing for the bedtime put-down. Both babies laying on the nursing pillow, nursing. Suddenly....

Muffled grunts. Four fists start pounding me in the chest. Repeatedly. Hard.

Yes, guys, that's what the gorilla says, but it's not time for gorilla, it's time to eat.

Reed's hand shoots up and squeezes my nose.

Yes, Honk, now eat!

For the finale, as though they appreciated the bouquet, while still eating, both babies start clapping simultaneously.

Yes, thank you, I appreciate it. Now eat!

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