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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dirty Mouth

Had a surreal experience yesterday. I was driving home from the grocery store and I decided to browse through the XM channels to see what I was missing by only listening to the same 3 or 4 stations. This is what I was missing (paraphrased for lack of perfect memory):

Oh, Martha! I can't believe I'm talking to Martha Stewart!

Hi. Thank you. What is your question for me today?

It's about pussy willows.


Yes. I got some pussy willows, but I don't think I took care of them right.

Were the pussies soft and gray?


And how did you take care of them?

Well, I tried to cut the shaft and put them in water, but they weren't green.

No. They wouldn't be. To keep the pussies soft like that, they cut them early and let them dry. There would be no use in cutting them and putting them in water.

Oh, so that's why the shaft was woody when I cut it?


I swear. I am not making this up. What blew my mind was that neither of these women sounded like they were laughing so hard they were peeing their pants. I also had no one in the car to sanity check this with.

Reed? Sofia? Are you getting this? was oddly unsatisfying...

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