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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

New Therapist

"I don't care about being perfect, mama. I just want to be Anna"

Today was Ana's third appointment with her new therapist. I think this guy is going to be good - we actually had a "breakthrough" of sorts. Ana actually started talking a bit about Russia. She said that she had to be "perfect" so that she would be a "good kid" so that "her mom would want her". Just about broke my heart.

She sometimes likes to play that she is a baby growing in my belly. If only she knew how much I wish that were true. I would tell her a thousand and more times a day just how much she is wanted and loved. Can you imagine the weight that she is carrying at only 3 years old?

I share this with you because you are along on our journey. It's a funny journey, sure, but most of all I hope that it will be a journey back to Ana's potential self. Back to the free-spirited, full of confidence and joy self that she was meant to be. Back to a self that can rejoice in imperfections, because even her imperfections are perfect to us. No, especially her imperfections are perfect to us.

3 comments:

Nicole said...

This made me cry. Bless her little heart! Even though she worries about these things now, there will be a day when she doesn't remember them at all....the way you guys love her is going to erase all that!!

Shenanigans said...

Made me cry too. Poor little thing. How smart she must be - and how traumatic it must have been - to be able to recall something when you were 13 months old or younger! I just want to give all of you a hug.

Crazy Cathcart said...

Tearing up over here too... Ana is one lucky "chick" to have you and Scott for parental units!! As we in Texas like to say... "Bless her heart!"

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