Home       Nokay What?       Mother Hen      Gallery       Greatest Hits       Contact

Monday, February 28, 2011

If You Go Hiking....

If you go hiking with a four and a half year old and her six year old friend, this is what will happen:

Even if you make everyone go potty before setting out on the trail, someone will discover 15 minutes in that they need to go #2.

If you weigh the cost of going back 15 minutes to the potties and realize you might as well call it a day at that point, and therefore explain that when hiking or camping - in emergencies - you can go in the woods and use tissues for toilet paper, you will be told, "That is not appropriate for little girls."

After you go back to the potties and camp out there for a while, the two friends will surely discover the vending machines and will start the most persuasive campaign of their lives to get whatever sugar laden thing you will give in to buying. Which is none.

After the seriously disappointed hikers are herded back onto the trail, you will realize you should not have made a big deal about this trail being named River Hike because with your almost hour long setback, there is no way on God's green Earth that you will be walking all the way to the river.

Someone will get poked in the head with a stick. Twice.

The most exciting finding of nature will be some horse hoof prints in the dirt, which will then cause everything to come to a full stop while little people sit in, run their hands in, try to roll in, and any other manner of dirtying in the dirt.

Then you will make a tactical error and turn onto another path that is a longer way back, but will actually have shade. This is a tactical error because seriously... at this point longer = death. Also an error because for some reason, someone thought it wise to build a bench at approximately every 2 minute point on this trail. You will sit on all of them.

At some point you will start wearing a child on your back.

When you get back to the parking lot, you will promise popsicles so everyone will get buckled up in record time and will hopefully retain good memories of hiking, rather than the time that they walked aimlessly for 2 hours, other than checking out the exciting bathrooms, vending machines, and dirt.

Then your child will say - Next let's go camping!

At this point you will try not to swallow your own tongue.

No comments:

Post a Comment