Timing Is Everything

Dear Doctors and Nurse,

I realize that you are used to talking about various bodily functions all day long, and that these things probably no longer phase you, but I assure you that this is not necessarily true of my visitors.

Therefore, it was a bit awkward - ALL THREE TIMES - when you came in and talked about my intestinal distress and the lovely sample that you took - IN FRONT OF TWO DIFFERENT GUESTS.

I particularly liked your expressive use of language, Nurse, when you remarked at how quickly I must have "blasted that sample out" because you didn't have to wait very long. I am also thankful that you didn't come in to discuss these things with me when the REVEREND from Ana's little preschool was visiting. As Ana would say - Aw-kward!!

In the future, should you want to discuss these types of things with me, maybe you could use a code phrase so that I know to tell my guests that they might want to step into the hall, allowing them to avoid pretending that they actually wanted to check out the ceiling. Maybe we could use the phrase "beef tacos" as I am still not convinced that Wednesday's beef taco night was not what set this off. It would also enable my husband not to practically asphixiate on his own saliva as he laughs so hard.

Thankfully I seem to like to tell my embarrassing moments in a very public way anyway, and the two guests that you shared such riveting information with are very good sports, but I do think you might want to review your policy on such matters.

Loosely,

Your Patient