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Greatest Hits - 2 years 4 months

1. The potential for embarrassment only increases as your child ages and becomes more vocal (and understandable). Chickie and Mommy recently flew to Texas for some much needed R&R and some thawing out from the Pittsburgh winter. They made it through the first security checkpoint with compliments and comments on how sweet and well behaved Ana was. It was the second checkpoint, however, that sullied their reputation. Holding Ana in her arms, Mommy handed their boarding passes to a kind looking older gentleman. "Santa! Santa!" little Chickie cried out. How do you apologize when your child mistakes someone for a white bearded man with a bowl full of jelly?

2. Always suspect ulterior motives. Mommy and Ana were cuddling on the couch. Ana reached up, cupped Mommy's face with one hand and lovingly passed her other hand over Mommy's mouth. Touched by the gesture, Mommy sat there in a warm glow, congratulating herself on having such a beautiful and caring child. Luckily Mommy came to her senses moments later and decided to run her own hand over her mouth just to double check. Sure enough, a large, disgusting boogie had been deposited right above Mommy's upper lip.

3. Mommy has matured to the point where she no longer gets embarrassed when Ana refuses to share or when she stakes her claim on Mommy to exclude another child. She has not yet, however, overcome the face burning power of the being-incredibly-rude-to-nice-older-strangers-that-don't-even-have-any-children-with-them-for-Pete's-sake! moments. Take for example a recent trip to Costco (I swear we don't live there). Mommy and Ana are walking down an aisle. Nice, white-haired, elderly woman walks by - and doesn't even glance Ana's way. Still, little Chickie is never one to let an opportunity pass her by - "Go away, girl! My Mommy!" (You must picture this delivered with head wagging 'tude.) You'd be surprised how fast Mommy can move when she wants to...

4. Consider giving undergarments secret names. For example, maybe you could refer to a bra as a slingshot or a holder. This would allow you to avoid potential problems that have everything to do with the volume at which a toddler speaks. Mommy and Ana at the mall walking past the women's lingerie departartment of Macy's:

Ana: ANA BRWA, PWEESE!!! ANA BOOBIES!!! ANA BOOBIES!!!
Mommy: Ana, those are for big ladies. When you are a big lady you can wear one.
Ana: NO! ANA BIG BOOBIES!!! ANA HAB IT!!! ANA HAB IT!!! BIG BOOBIES!!!