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Greatest Hits - 2 years 9 months

1. The phrase that will guarantee you a cut to the front of the bathroom line, no questions asked: "Mommy! I'n gonna poo-poo on you!"

2. We all remember Sleeping Beauty. She pricks her finger, falls into a deep slumber, and only awakes upon the kiss of her true love, the prince, yadda yadda. We all remember too that she did not fall immediately back to sleep - like 1700 times. When the prince tired of kissing her she did not demand - Come here! More kiss! Nor did she insist that the prince kiss her for a particular length of time; she did not channel Goldilocks - too short! too long! Mommy has taken to calling our little princess Narcilepsy Princess. The girl seriously has a sleeping problem. Mommy's guilty pleasure is imagining that she does not kiss the princess awake and instead uses the pretend sleeping time to actually get something done around here!

3. If you hand your child a children's book at the local drugstore, make sure you know what you are handing her. You may find that you have handed her a book for pre-teen girls called Know Your Body, or something similar. You may discover this at the checkout line when your child points to a cartoon drawing of a girl inserting a feminine product and asks, "What dat girl doin' to her pee-pee? What dat?" Your reply of "She is just wiping herself, honey" will fool no one, least of all your two year old.

4. We are already worrying about Ana and boys. She had a playdate at her friend Pete's house and the two of them climbed into Pete's bed together, giggling and having fun. Pete's Mommy said she was going to get a camera and weren't they cute. Things took a darker turn, however, when a little voice piped up: Privacy please! Go 'way!